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Christmas Jokes

Ho-ho-ho with our collection of funny Christmas jokes.

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Stop the Presses

These holiday “headlines” — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely fabricated. And yet they have the ring of truth.

Coal Now Too Expensive to Put in Christmas Stockings

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

Accountants Pack Times Square for Fiscal New Year

Book Given as Gift Actually Read

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Stop the Presses

These holiday "headlines" — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely…

72%
Gift Exchange

My friend reviewed her young son's fill-in-the-blank homework. One line: "At Christmas, we exchange…

92%
Limited Knowledge

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No…

90%
Alternate History

My mother cast one of her students as the innkeeper for the Christmas pageant. All the third grader…

61%
The Little Man

A teenager waltzed into our jewelry store to buy a cross for her boyfriend. I showed her a…

27%
Meet and Greet

Spotted outside a church in Michigan: "Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive…

88%
Waiting

My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time. Getting impatient while waiting for…

85%
Christmas Eve Service

Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I…

86%
Entrance

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter. "In order…

96%
Into the Church

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the…