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Christmas Jokes

Ho-ho-ho with our collection of funny Christmas jokes.

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Quick Clean-up

Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."

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Stop the Presses

These holiday "headlines" — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely…

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Gift Exchange

My friend reviewed her young son's fill-in-the-blank homework. One line: "At Christmas, we exchange…

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Limited Knowledge

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No…

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Alternate History

My mother cast one of her students as the innkeeper for the Christmas pageant. All the third grader…

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The Little Man

A teenager waltzed into our jewelry store to buy a cross for her boyfriend. I showed her a…

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Meet and Greet

Spotted outside a church in Michigan: "Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive…

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Waiting

My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time. Getting impatient while waiting for…

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Christmas Eve Service

Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I…

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Entrance

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter. "In order…

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Into the Church

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the…