Corny Jokes

Groaning is the best medicine, as you'll find out fast with this collection of funny, corny jokes.

NEW FUNNY JOKES

Control Freak

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Control…

Catch and Retweet

Give a man a fish, and he’ll 
Instagram it;…

Popular NSA Pick-Up Lines

“Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no…

I Invented a New Word:

plagiarism. Submitted by M. R.

Drumming Up A Reason

A man vacations on a tropical 
island, and the…

The Device Too Big To Fail

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it…

Zero Sum Puns

The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes…

Zen and the Art of Breakfast

Hear about the new restaurant called…

New World Gambling

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with…

What's The Best Thing...

Q: What’s the best thing about…

Professors Define a Kiss

In math: Two divided by nothing. In physics:…

Where Do Geeks Go...

Q: Where do geeks go for a good time? A: A…

Hear About the Statistician...

Hear about the statistician 
who drowned…

Cluck Life

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A:…

What's Brown and...

Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

A Joke of Little Value...

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s…

A Genius Solution

I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it's…

Why Should 288...

Q: Why should the number 288 never be…

Why do Mathematicians...

Q: Why do mathematicians like parks? A:…

Noah and the Snakes

With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah…

What do You Call a Number...

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep…

An Average Joke

Q: Did you hear the one about the…

Vice President of Rock

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An…

Chicken Strips

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius…

Solve for XX

Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house…

Law of Diminishing Returns

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some…

What do You Call a Line...

Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping…

Jokes Every Vegan Should Know

What do you call a dumb carnivore? A…

Did You Hear About the Vegan Devil...

Did you hear about the vegan devil…

Why Does Vegan Cheese Taste...

Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad? A: It…

The Time Traveler Protest

T NOW! What do we want? MORE TIME-TRAVEL JOKES!…

Crossword Puzzle Answers You’d Never get Right:

• Star of Gravity (Newton) • You say potato…

Grandma, How You've Changed!

During my mother’s memorial, my five-year-old…

How Do You Get Down...

Q: How do you get down from an elephant? A:…

She Shoots, She Scores!

Why should you never breakup with a…

Why Are Frogs...

Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat…

The Reader, The Writer, And The Lion

A lion comes across two 
men, one reading and…

Did You Hear About the New E-reader?

Did you hear about the new e-reader? Reader’s…

Why Do We Tell Actors...

Why do we tell actors to "break a…

Why Aren't Dogs...

Q: Why aren't dogs good dancers? A: Because…

What Kind of Coat...

Q: What kind of coat is always wet when you put…

Pencil Me In

Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?…

Dive Right In

What did one boat say to the other? "Are you up…

How Many Sheep...

Q: How many sheep does it take to make one…

Why Do Cows Have Bells...

Q: Why do cows have bells? A: Because their…

What Did the Doctor...

Q: What did the doctor tell her invisible…

A Juggler, a Tightrope Walker, and a Clown...

Q: A juggler, a tightrope walker, and a clown…

Why Did the Bacteria...

Q: Why did the bacteria cross the…

Why Are Football Stadiums...

Q: Why are football stadiums so cool? A:…

Why Is Six Afraid...

Q: Why is the number six afraid of seven? A:…

A chilling realization

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of…

A police officer pulled over a guy...

A police officer pulled over a guy for weaving…

Two babies are sitting in their cribs...

Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one…

I saw a documentary on...

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept…

When I was a child...

When I was a child my father attacked me with…

What Do You Call an Old...

Q: What do you call an old…

A Little Levity

I'm reading a great book about antigravity—I…

No Umbrellas at the North Pole?

Q: Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen…

Reindeer Lessons

Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer…

Green Thumb?

Q: Why does Santa have three garden plots up at…

Great White Christmas

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to good little…

Oh, iGet It

Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas…

Comb On!

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a…

Laughing All the Way!

Q: What is a lion's favorite Christmas…

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Q: Why did the children call St. Nick "Santa…

Open Mic Night at the North Pole

Q: What did the reindeer say before telling his…

Christmas in Eden

Q: What did Adam say the day before…

Better Than His Ghoul-Cousin...

Q: Who did Frankenstein's monster bring to…

Muy Picante

Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets…

We All KEA!

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was…

The Age-Old Question

Eight fellow accountants and I got into the…

A Particular Problem

You just can’t trust atoms—they make up…

Cross-eyed Conversation

What did one eye say to the other? "Don't look…

Old McDonald had a Fraction

Which trigonometric functions do farmers…

Convex

Knock! Knock! Who's…

Punster's Theorem

Algebra teacher: "What is seven Q plus three…

Cannibal Humor

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal…

Likely Not Far

Q: Where do you find a no-legged dog? A: Right…

A Swift Decline

About a month before my grandfather died, my…

Hush, Little Actuary

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and…

Frozen Account

My cousin always “borrows” money from her…

The Three Week Diet

A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a…

Weekly Poker Game

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with…

The Anxious Poodle

Poodle: "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my…

My Wife was in Labor...

My wife was in labor with our first child when…

Roe v. Wade

I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the…

The Obituary of Martin Levine

"Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in…

The Stepladder

I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder…

How Does Moses Make Tea?

How does Moses make tea? He brews.

Soul Singing Duck

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put…

Barefoot Gandhi

Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, ate very…

A Cell Phone Wedding

Did you hear about the cell phones that got…

Job Security

Reddit.com asked workers: What is rule number one…

Page-Turners

The hashtag #literaryturducken asked Twitter…

Humor Thieves

Why can’t you explain puns to…

Would You Like to Join …

The Yoko Club? Oh no. The German Philosophy…

NASA Cow Launch

Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows…

Runaway Bagel

How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put…

The Sick Giant

Did you hear about the giant who threw up? It's…

A Pessimist's Predicament

As they leave the courthouse, a lawyer turns to…