Funny Stories

These hilarious true tales will have you laughing for days

NEW FUNNY JOKES

The Wrong Language

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t…

A Late Graduation

At the age of 55, I finally got 
my…

An Army of None

We were an Air Force family, but our son could…

Winter Punderland

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the…

Does That Come in Super-Size?

A friend was ordering her meal at a drive-through…

No—I Prefer to Push

Recently, I woke up to find that two of my…

Sharknado Truthers

Scene: A secondhand movie 
exchange ... Me:…

Let Minnow

My husband and I were relaxing on lounge chairs…

“Where’s Aunt Florence?”

After Thanksgiving dinner, the adults gathered in…

Tollbooth Timer

I worked on a toll road, answering the phone…

Guest Relations

Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college…

Holiday Heavyweights

The checkout clerk at the supermarket was…

Horn of Plenty

When a music student brought his French horn to…

Like Flower, Like Bud

As I entered the elevator 
at our hospital, a…

Well, That's a Creative Answer...

A student seeking a job at our university was…

Incumbent Imbecile

Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading…

"Oh, and It Doesn't Have Arms or Legs."

A woman called the Colorado State Division of…

Start With a 5K...

One of our interns asked 
another if she was…

IT’S CLASSIFIED

Just because the items in these classified ads…

Planedemonium

The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous…

For My Next Impression...

I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my…

Believe Me, I Would if I Could.

My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me…

The Scale of The Situation

We were stocking up on 
green beans at the…

Department of Manic Voices

The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever. When I…

That's Not How it Works, Dad.

Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the…

Yo Quiero a Clean Criminal Record

Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now…

Our Office Needs a 3D Printer

Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make…

Shane. My Office. Now.

Shane works in the deli department of a large…

Head to the Dentist

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my…

Put-Downs Down Under

A Briton flies into Australia 
and is asked by…

A Road Racket

We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its…

G-d Hates B.S.

Before beginning the service, our pastor read…

"You Need a Shorter Password."

While he was visiting, my father asked for the…

More Idiotic Job Applicant Blunders

We’ve been over this before: 
Stupid…

Virginal Word Choice

The topic of my student’s essay was the…

Bad Soldier Mistakes

It’s important that soldiers 
learn from…

spel chekers

On Facebook, the English 
language has few…

Toddler Wisdom

Events had left my son-in-
law’s sister…

What Does DUMB Stand For?

While serving jury duty, 
I noticed that the…

One Way To Foil Fridge Thieves

The note left on the office refrigerator was…

Vitamin D(imwit)

Scene: Our break room. Coworker #1 pulls out a…

Bad Soup

The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I…

Family Loopholes

To get my cousin to write to 
her even once, my…

10-Pin Puns

I recently stumbled upon 
my favorite new…

Barbershop Blunders

The barbershop was crowded, 
so the woman at…

Behind The Newsprint

Working for a news organization is a tough job…

No Emergency Exits, Thanks

The flight attendant on our trip was handing out…

Store Hours Are Never

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet…

Fools Brush In

“So what’s that brush for?” the new hire…

My New Power

I bragged to my boss that I didn’t need…

Did You Feel It?

I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking…

King Soloman Jr.

We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my…

Jimmy Fallon Asked For Embarrassing Texts From Moms...

I once got a text from my mom where “You’re…

What's a Hipster?

“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old…

Strain in The Mass

Scene: Sunday mass. I turned to greet an older…

Alphabet Soup or Salad?

At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was…

Fast Friends

My husband was driving 
home from work when he…

That Bug Goes Around

Faculty at our university had to file an…

Photographic Evidence

A customer walked up to my 
bank window and…

Fax To The Future

One of my insurance customers faxed over the…

Can I Do A Trade?

I asked my brother-in-law, the 
father of four…

After The Gold Rush

Asked to pick the worst year 
ever, film…

You Could've Said "Gender"

I was nine months pregnant and browsing at a…

Father of The Bribe

When I announced that I was getting married, my…

Bottom of The Toy Barrel

Here is the best-ever backhanded compliment from…

Kids Marry The Darnedest Things

My young son declared, “When 
I grow up…

Spring Fever

One spring day I was taking the roll in my…

Standby, Soldier

Every Easter our church stages an elaborate…

That Springtime Smell

I had spent the late winter months waiting…

No. 1 on Our List — Literally!

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and…

Paternal Payback

On the day I received my learner’s permit, my…

Pop Vs. Pup

While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas…

Papa Bear

My husband’s cousin married a former Marine who…

What a Card!

Father’s Day was near when I brought my…

Watch the Wash, Dad…

I decided to make myself useful and do a load of…

Say What, Dad?

Our Gen-X daughter, Cristie, made my husband a…

Thanks for the Soda, Pop!

Before I took the old family car to college, my…

The Right Choice

My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with…

Care of The US Military

We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted…

BYOP

My mother was standing on 
the bus when she…

A Sale-A-Day Keeps Quality at Bay

I think I’ve finally decoded the 
language of…

Big Changes in Appleton

A headline in my local newspaper: “Appleton…

I'm on The Eraser Diet!

When I stepped on the scale at 
my doctor’s…

An Elevator Romance

I was alone in an elevator when a girl stepped in…

Testimony Taken Down by Me, 
a Court Reporter:

Question: Now, to the best of 
your knowledge…

There is No Such Thing as a Dumb Question, Except for ...

• I work in IT. A customer asked 
me if a…

Honor Among Thieves

A mother complained to my wife, 
a…

A Home Affair

My client buys many rental properties, not always…

"Brought to You by the Division of Vague Announcements"

Heard over the plant’s paging 
system:…

Part-Time Work

Scene: A man applying for credit 
at a…

How to Deal With an Errant Bosom

Recently, a man stopped at my desk at the library…

Smoke 'em if You Got 'em

When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking…

The Saddest Story I Know

While at a convention, Bill, Jim, and Scott…

Who Taught You That?

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,”…

"I Was Only Breaking the Law a Little!"

My daughter-in-law was driving on the freeway…

The Magic Penny

We had just finished tucking our five kids into…

Coversation With A Customer-Service Representative:

Me: I have a Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer that…

Overheard At A Zumba Class...

First woman: Look at me—I have 
a muffin…

When A Family Friend Passed Away...

When a family friend passed away, my…

Teenage Wisdom

I mentioned to my sons that some teens used…