Funny Stories

These hilarious true tales will have you laughing for days

NEW FUNNY JOKES

That Sounds Exhausting

My granddaughter was 
graduating from college…

Un-intelligent Design

We were making leaflets for a 
local church…

Hungover at Sea

It was sheer brilliance. The ship’s operations…

Letters to Soldiers from Children

Students are great about 
sending our troops…

What Mommies Have

As he got his diaper changed, Daniel looked down…

Snappy Answers from Little Kids

After catching her five-year-old son Lucas trying…

The Perks of Being Round

During a Pilates class, our thin teacher…

A Gift From the Funeral Parlor

During a visit with my grandmother, my husband…

"What Key Did I Sing in?"

After an impromptu song, our pastor asked the…

A Teenage Dream

My 11-year-old grandson spent 
a beautiful…

Baggage Claim Karma

As I waited for my luggage 
at the airport, a…

A Dumb Driver's-ed Answer

My sister didn’t do as well on her…

Spotted on Facebook...

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so…

Time to Reboot...

My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and…

She Must Not've Read It...

While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered…

Tattoo 'Tude

A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client…

The Tax Man Cometh

A last-minute filer walked into our state income…

Misreading the Signals

My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on…

Exterminating Grandma

As if the declining health of my grandmother…

Chik-fail-A

Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at…

Parenting, the Dad-Joke Way

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair…

Misfortune Cookie

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and…

A White Easter

A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the…

Terrible Two (Hundreds)

Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed…

What 87-Year-Olds Give Up For Lent

“Has your diet changed?” 
I asked an…

Never Talk About Religion at Work

Religion is generally a verboten topic for…

Wrong Store, Buddy

Scene: Inside a Best Buy store. Customer: Can…

Colonoscopy Small Talk

Colonoscopies are important medical procedures…

What's Your Definition of "Woman"?

Request from a client: “For the ad, use a stock…

Weirdest Craigslist Post Ever?

Looking for a job? Here’s one posted on…

Is Your Boss This Dumb?

While taking stock of our 
products, I read…

Landmarks and Spacemarks

While on maneuvers in the 
Mojave Desert, our…

Baby's First Army Roll Call

During that first roll call in the Army, I waited…

Kids Say: Concert Edition

After my three-year-old begged and begged, I gave…

Bad Things to Tell Your Wife

A commercial boasted that its product could help…

Lying in Bed

I was cuddling with my girlfriend, and she said…

Flash Drive Failure

I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I…

Lamp of Mass Destruction?

When I spotted a Navy captain 
on the street, I…

No-sense Sensor

A military base commander called to complain that…

MSW?!
(Mom say what?!)

Texting acronyms can stump even the best…

Men's Room, Men's Rules

A long line leading to the ladies’ room greeted…

Actually, I'm a Time Traveler

When I bought beer at the 
grocery store, the…

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh...

The water I was heating for pasta refused to…

Will You Still Love Me?

Ah, marriage. I was standing in front of the…

Poor Little Piggy...

My young son ran to me, crying. “Daddy, I…

What are My Options?

Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone. Me:…

PLEASE Don't Administer Orally

My teenage patient’s mother was concerned…

Which West is that?

“Why did you choose a college so far from…

The Wrong Language

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t…

A Late Graduation

At the age of 55, I finally got 
my…

An Army of None

We were an Air Force family, but our son could…

Winter Punderland

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the…

Does That Come in Super-Size?

A friend was ordering her meal at a drive-through…

No—I Prefer to Push

Recently, I woke up to find that two of my…

Sharknado Truthers

Scene: A secondhand movie 
exchange ... Me:…

Let Minnow

My husband and I were relaxing on lounge chairs…

“Where’s Aunt Florence?”

After Thanksgiving dinner, the adults gathered in…

Tollbooth Timer

I worked on a toll road, answering the phone…

Guest Relations

Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college…

Holiday Heavyweights

The checkout clerk at the supermarket was…

Horn of Plenty

When a music student brought his French horn to…

Like Flower, Like Bud

As I entered the elevator 
at our hospital, a…

Well, That's a Creative Answer...

A student seeking a job at our university was…

Incumbent Imbecile

Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading…

"Oh, and It Doesn't Have Arms or Legs."

A woman called the Colorado State Division of…

Start With a 5K...

One of our interns asked 
another if she was…

IT’S CLASSIFIED

Just because the items in these classified ads…

Planedemonium

The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous…

For My Next Impression...

I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my…

Believe Me, I Would if I Could.

My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me…

The Scale of The Situation

We were stocking up on 
green beans at the…

Department of Manic Voices

The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever. When I…

That's Not How it Works, Dad.

Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the…

Yo Quiero a Clean Criminal Record

Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now…

Our Office Needs a 3D Printer

Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make…

Shane. My Office. Now.

Shane works in the deli department of a large…

Head to the Dentist

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my…

Put-Downs Down Under

A Briton flies into Australia 
and is asked by…

A Road Racket

We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its…

G-d Hates B.S.

Before beginning the service, our pastor read…

"You Need a Shorter Password."

While he was visiting, my father asked for the…

More Idiotic Job Applicant Blunders

We’ve been over this before: 
Stupid…

Virginal Word Choice

The topic of my student’s essay was the…

Bad Soldier Mistakes

It’s important that soldiers 
learn from…

spel chekers

On Facebook, the English 
language has few…

Toddler Wisdom

Events had left my son-in-
law’s sister…

What Does DUMB Stand For?

While serving jury duty, 
I noticed that the…

One Way To Foil Fridge Thieves

The note left on the office refrigerator was…

Vitamin D(imwit)

Scene: Our break room. Coworker #1 pulls out a…

Bad Soup

The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I…

Family Loopholes

To get my cousin to write to 
her even once, my…

10-Pin Puns

I recently stumbled upon 
my favorite new…

Barbershop Blunders

The barbershop was crowded, 
so the woman at…

Behind The Newsprint

Working for a news organization is a tough job…

No Emergency Exits, Thanks

The flight attendant on our trip was handing out…

Store Hours Are Never

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet…

Fools Brush In

“So what’s that brush for?” the new hire…

My New Power

I bragged to my boss that I didn’t need…

Did You Feel It?

I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking…

King Soloman Jr.

We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my…