Holiday Jokes

Mothers’ Confessions

Mother’s Day is nigh, so we’re loath to say this: Mothers aren’t perfect. Here they admit it:

"My son knows he’s not allowed downstairs until 9 a.m. Reason? He’s been told that between 8 and 9 a.m., Mommy’s fighting the monster that lives in the laundry basket."

"I just ate a full pint of Häagen-Dazs, and when my three-year-old asked me what I was eating, I told her it was special medicine for mommies, because I didn’t want to share."

"My son was so excited for his second birthday, but when the day rolled around, I hadn’t pulled anything together—so I told him that he had the day wrong and his birthday was actually the following week."

"I haven’t taught my kids to tell time yet … That way, I can say it’s bedtime whenever I want."