Marriage Jokes

Laugh at the funny side of being together with these jokes about marriage.

NEW FUNNY JOKES

All Dolled Up

A husband and wife had been married for 60 years…

Every Marriage Needs A Spin Doctor

My wife told me that I twist everything she says…

Forever Late

After 12 years in prison, a man 
finally breaks…

Father of The Bribe

When I announced that I was getting married, my…

Kids Marry The Darnedest Things

My young son declared, “When 
I grow up…

A Familiar Patient

A weeping woman bursts into her…

A Home Affair

My client buys many rental properties, not always…

Realistic Romantic Comedies

• When Harry Met Sally and 
Discovered She…

Tailor-Made Quips

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket…

What About the Other Half?

As the music swelled during a recent wedding…

Why Marriage is Difficult

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal…

A Culinary Adventure

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our…

The Three Week Diet

A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a…

Tweeter's Digest: Just Chill

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a…

Exhibit A-Cup

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks…

In Your Dreams

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her…

Home Insecurity

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone…

How I Met Your Father

Studying our wedding photos, my six-year-old…

Facebook Love

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know…

Winning Numbers

Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his…

One and Only

During a heartfelt chat with her friend about…

Love and Learning

Overheard at my garden-club meeting: "I never…

In Training

I identify with football players because I know…

For the Mrs?

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside…

The Right Diagnosis

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of…

What's That Smell?

For a romantic touch, I washed our sheets with…

Years of Romance

Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my…

Sailing vs. Shopping

After we had lunch with another couple, the women…

True Love

It may have been the most romantic statement ever…

Usual Suspicions

After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve…

Reporting for Duty

A soldier in my National Guard platoon became…

The Birthday Present

On his birthday, my husband was stuck driving our…

Hearing Loss

I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father…

Right Answer

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a…

Minor Procedure

As I performed a simple medical procedure on my…

Taking Turns

Scene: My checkout line at the supermarket. Me:…

Working it Out

One friend complained to another, "All my…

Pick Me Up

I was a mess. My career as an artist was going…

A Wrong Answer

While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my…

Here To Stay

A customer at a coffee shop was clearly peeved by…

For Richer and For Poorer

"When I married Donna, I could get both…

Assumed Name

A fourth marriage meant yet another name change…

Lightbulb

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a…

In Trouble

Every night, Harry goes out drinking. And every…

Happy

My husband and I attended a bridal fair trying to…

Doing Something Wrong

As I picked out flowers for my mother, I noticed…

Reason for Visit

Suspecting he had a serious medical condition, I…

Love Letters

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying…

Too Many Cooks

A wife is scrambling eggs when her husband bursts…

Relative Comfort

As my sister relaxed on the couch, her head…

Waking Up

It took me forever to wake up one of my nursing…

Romantic Travel

When my petite mother found her seat on the…

Flirting Trouble

Clearly, my husband and I need to brush up on our…

The Best Sleep

I returned home from my ninth business trip of…

GPS

Scene: A conversation between two of my friends.…

Relearning

Before leaving for Officer Candidates School, I…

Designated Driver

I turned to my father one night and said…

A Second Opinion Joke

My friend was at the beauty parlor when she…

Excuses

I was leafing through one of my hunting catalogs…

The Pearly Gates

The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed…

Car Nut

My husband is a car nut. That's why I could…

Enduring Love

My granddaughter asked why I called my husband…

Once in a Lifetime

Last June, my friend told me about her plans for…

Subject to Approval

An item on craigslist: "Antique sewing table…

Proper Lighting

Halfway through a romantic dinner, my husband…

Squeaky Wheel

The wheel of my grocery cart was making a…

Marriage and Weight

How come married women are heavier than single…

Marriage Secrets

When I asked a friend the secret to his 52 years…

Second Marriage

'If I were to die first, would you remarry?"…

Review and Repeat

When my husband pointed out my tendency to retell…

It's All Relative

En route to Atlanta, my stepfather spotted some…

Smart Pills

Feeling listless, I bought some expensive…

Final Farewell

Following a funeral service, the pallbearers are…

Lost the Keys

I was cleaning a hotel room when the previous…

Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy…

Rear Window Love

My cell phone quit as I tried to let my wife know…

Hypothetical Hollywood

My wife and I were having a very hypothetical…

Can of Peaches

An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery…

Problem Solver

When we finished a personality assessment at…

Say It With Flowers

On the first day of our marriage retreat, the…

Wedlock Wonder

Though the vocabulary words we were learning in…

Business Trip

My husband and I had been trying to have a third…

Last Minute Gift

A man rushed to the jewelry counter in the store…

Room For Two

For our honeymoon my fiancée and I chose a…

Missing the Groom

Nancy was Catholic, but her fiancé, Chris…

Wrong Date

One of my customers at the department of motor…

Different Meanings

One night when I dropped in at the police station…

Uninvited

Two convicts are working on a chain gang. "I…

Conspiracy Theory

At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal…

Dog Helper

Any time the alarm goes off after-hours at the…

Getting Rid of Something

The lawyer I work for specializes in divorce…

Love Days

Enclosed with the heartworm pills my friend…

Running Errands

I work for a security company that transports…

Always Right

My granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the…

Asking for Assistance

A couple we know were in Lamaze class, where they…

Beautiful Sight

I was bending over to wipe up a spill on the…

Cheater

While a woman is keeping vigil beside her…

Clueless

My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter…

Criminal Thinking

To our shock and horror, my sister-in-law and I…

Divorce Settlement

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local…