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Marriage Jokes

Laugh at the funny side of being together with these jokes about marriage.

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Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. "Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?" I asked.

"What’s the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a week."

"So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you around."

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How I Met Your Father

Studying our wedding photos, my six-year-old asked, “Did you marry Dad because he was…

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In Your Dreams

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me 
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Facebook Love

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status "I'm…

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Winning Numbers

Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? A: He's trying to figure out the…

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One and Only

During a heartfelt chat with her friend about relationships, my wife sighed and said, "You know, if…

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Love and Learning

Overheard at my garden-club meeting: "I never knew what compost was until I met my husband."

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In Training

I identify with football players because I know what it's like to spend your whole life training…

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For the Mrs?

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I…

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The Right Diagnosis

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used…

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What's That Smell?

For a romantic touch, I washed our sheets with lavender-scented detergent. When my husband got into…