Doctor Jokes

Laughter is the best medicine. Consider this dose of great doctor jokes your official prescription for funny.

NEW FUNNY JOKES

A Familiar Patient

A weeping woman bursts into her…

The Camper's Second Opinion

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is…

Doctor, Doctor

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up…

I'm on The Eraser Diet!

When I stepped on the scale at 
my doctor’s…

The One About The Fishermen and The Angel

Three guys are fishing when an angel…

A Poor Ex-Spleen Nation

A medical student was told to remove the spleen…

Overheard at Our Hospital

Phlebotomist: I’m here to draw some…

Poor word choice, Doc

A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic:…

Smooth Operator

Scene: A call-center operator on the phone with a…

A Second Opinion

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, “Every time I get…

The Cruelest Cut

After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient…

What Doesn't Kill Ya...

Nobody wants a pain reliever that’s anything…

Unusual Changes

When I went back to the medical lab to have some…

Cool Doctor

I just met the coolest gynecologist. He's an…

Attack

I overheard two EMT volunteers talking about the…

Going to the Doctor

My husband went to the cardiologist after…

Genes

They've just found a gene for shyness. They would…

Career Changes

My mother has tried her hand at several careers…

Math Problems

When a patient was wheeled into our emergency…

Funny Sample

It was time for my dog's annual checkup…

Insurance Policy

When my insurance company refused to pay for my…

Better Than One

I'd just come home from my sixth medical…

Fearless

My friend is a Botox junkie—she can't stop…

Quitting Time

Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend…

Form Fitting

A patient at my daughter’s medical clinic…

All in the Name

My neighbor's boat has a peculiar name: Innuendo…

Calling It

Doing rounds, a new nurse couldn't help…

A Surprise

Last Valentine's Day, I arrived at the doctor's…

A Positive Outcome

A little boy was brought into our emergency room…

Simple Explanation

Following my husband's physical exam, the doctor…

No Problem?

One diagnostic-imaging center claims that its…

The Good News

Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you…

The Bracelet

As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a…

Subject to Replacement

Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital…

All Possible Outcomes

At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was…

Painless Procedure?

Prior to his biopsy, a patient confessed to a…

English Professor

A harried man runs into his physician's office…

Healing the Sick

A guy suffering from a miserable cold begs his…

Finding the Cure

As I left my office at the National Cancer…

Price of Life

When a rich businessman began to choke on a fish…

No Cup Needed

One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand…

A Crazy Test

Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors…

Chicken Scratch

Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's…

Nurse Overload

Desperate for registered nurses, my colleagues…

Permanent Date

One day while at the doctor's office, the…

Better Job

After practicing law for several months, I was…

Status Objects

Dad's pager beeped, summoning him to the…

Already Gone

Since maternity patients at the small hospital…

Already Pregnant

To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to…

Astrology

When one of my patients came to me complaining of…

Big Boy

When my wife was about to have our first baby, we…

Breathing Techniques

One afternoon in the hospital operating room…

Button Pain

Following a major hurricane, my husband worked…

Checking Up

As an attorney in a major New Mexico law firm, I…

Clumsy Dancer

While dancing at a party, I tripped and stubbed…

Constant Congestion

A customer walked into my pharmacy asking for a…

Deadly Response

The voice-dictation program a physician friend of…

Doctor Says So

My friend Esther told me about her son's…

Doctor's Advice

Resting in the hospital after the birth of our…

Early Arrival

While on duty as a nurse in the obstetrics…

End of the Glory Days

After the birth of our second child, my husband…

Following the Routine

Customer-service reps repeat the same tired…

Genius

As a dental hygienist, I had a family come in one…

Good Doctor

Suffering with a herniated disk in his back, my…

Holiday Contest

The contest was simple: Which department in the…

Hunting Season

A group of Alaskan housewives had gotten together…

Labor Words

Seen on a car parked outside a…

Labor Work

Carol was pregnant with her first child, and her…

Money Talk

During the year that my husband, Bob, was…

New Behind

Last New Year's Eve found me in the hospital…

Not Accepted

It had been a long time—seven years to be…

Part of the Audience

I'm never very comfortable with any kind of…

Pretend Doctor

For several years, my job was to answer all…

Reaching Back

During a visit with my mother, who was in the…

Reeled In

A friend of mine was working as a nurse in a West…

Same Patient

After I warned the nurse taking blood that it…

Season's Greetings

On the Friday before Christmas, a group of…

Sharp Objects

Employed as a dental receptionist, I was on duty…

Switching Spots

Throughout her pregnancy, my sister Joanne…

Switching Views

While walking through a Dallas airport, my…

Test Case

I was waiting in the office of our lone…

Unattractive

We brought our newborn son, Adam, to the…

Unnamed

When I was on duty in the maternity ward, one of…

Unprofessional

A friend living in an isolated Montana mining…

Video Game Lessons

While attending a laser seminar for obstetric and…

Waiting Room Call

When an increased patient load began to overwhelm…

Yummy Giveaway

I was in a department store when I heard on the…

Aging Recovery

I was hospitalized with an awful sinus infection…

Party Animal

I was having some chest pains, but my…

Weight Guessing

Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric…

A Holy Misunderstanding

A Catholic priest I once knew went to the…

Assembly Line

Students in the adult French class I teach…

Chicken Scratch

Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on…

Doctor's Order

It was an unusually hectic evening at the…

Larger Than Life

As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual…

Like Father Like Son

I was on duty as an emergency-room technician…

Numbing

At the busy dental office where I work, one…

Nut Case

Unfortunately, we humans don't come equipped with…

Protection

Each new patient at the clinic where I work must…

Scared Situation

I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I…