Military Jokes

NEW FUNNY JOKES

Smoke 'em if You Got 'em

When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking…

An Aptly Named Vessel...

I was standing watch when 
an old, run-down…

Air Force Handles Way Weirder than "Maverick"

In Top Gun, Tom Cruise’s call sign was the very…

A Man Walks Into a Barbershop...

A man walks into a barbershop and asks, “How…

A Military-to-English Dictionary

The armed forces have a language all their own…

My father transferred to a new Navy base...

My father was transferred to a new Navy base when…

Basic flying rules:

Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not…

GPS, Don't Fail Me Now!

You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost…

That Weekend is Killer...

Headline from the Times Herald-Record (Newburgh…

Collateral Damage

As I headed into a liquor store, a colonel came…

Standing Violation

Sign above the toilet in a women’s latrine at…

Forget Everything You Know About Guns

After leaving the Army, I applied for a hunting…

Ra, Ra, Wrong!

Few civilians know what a quartermaster does. So…

You'll Be Tested

Combat rules soldiers should know: • Never…

Words of Encouragement

When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a…

Passing The Buck

Our drill instructor was at the end of his rope:…

New Cars

Visiting a new port is always exciting, and when…

In the Clear

During my time in the Navy, everyone was getting…

First Draft

I didn't enlist in the Army -- I was drafted. So…

Helping Her Out

When my very pregnant niece, a sergeant in the…

American Food

Upon returning from a stint in Iraq, my sister…

Dad Approved

I'd been secretly dating for several months, and…

No Smoking

I was in our local VA hospital when a clerk began…

Top 5

After I spoke at a grade school assembly about…

Packing for War

I was in Afghanistan speaking with a reporter as…

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Before he was deployed to Afghanistan, my brother…

Forrest Gump

My husband and I were watching Forrest Gump at…

Vision Issues

During World War II, selective service wasn't…

Visiting the Base

After visiting my son at his base, I complained…

Giving It Away

As the soldier drove up to the Air Force base…

Tool Time

The chief and I were on our submarine trying in…

Fear Factor

I served in a parachute regiment. During a…

Geography

The day after the Haitian earthquake, I got a…

What's a Motto?

As a new paratrooper, I was struck by all the…

War Stories

My father was telling his young nephew about…

International Pride

A brother of a student of mine showed me a photo…

Trying

Marines are known for storming the beaches, not…

Preparing for Boot Camp

Like any mother, I worried when my son joined the…

Deployment

When the Air Force deployed me overseas, my…

Letter Home

A letter I received from my son stationed in…

Placing Blame

My daughter and her husband, naval reservists…

Odd Package

An officer in my unit in Iraq was on the phone…

Limb by Limb

While lopping branches off a tree in his yard, my…

Unclean

Soon after being transferred to a new duty…

Government Green

I was charged by the Coast Guard to buy a house…

Taking Off

Just after my father, who was a career Air Force…

Weight Issues

Sixteen years is a long time. That's how far the…

Crash Landing

As he reviewed pilot crash reports, my Air Force…

Bad Transmissions

Marine Corps pilots and aircraft maintenance…

On Closer Inspection...

Officer candidate school at Fort Sill, Oklahoma…

Dinner is Served

Distrustful of Army chefs' culinary talents, my…

Long Departure

Approaching a GI who had just arrived in South…

Simple Request

The trials and tribulations of our sons…

Slow Delivery

The trials and tribulations of our sons…

Air Force Talk

Pointing to a pan of chicken wings and legs…

Based on Water

After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90…

Bookworm

Having helped prepare the annual budget for my…

Dangerous Weapons Permitted

On a business trip, my father approached a…

Doing What You Are Told

The colonel who served as inspector general in…

Falling Objects

When I was an infantry platoon commander, my…

Foreign Object

Serving as a Marine recruiter in western North…

Giving Up

After joining the Navy, my husband underwent a…

Good Behavior

Notice seen on the bulletin board of a Florida…

It's Your Duty

Spotted on T-shirts for sale in the Ponce de Leon…

Junk Food

To mail a big package of cookies to my two Air…

Reading the Obvious

Safety is job one in the Air Force. Overstating…

Secret Information

While standing watch in the Coast Guard station…

Setting up a Brigade

My brother and I arrived at boot camp together…

Smart Ones

One of my jobs in the Army is to give service…

Smile For the Camera

When my husband visited our son, Michael, at boot…

Time Confusion

My wife, Dolores, never quite got the hang of the…

Tough Dentist

A Navy dentist’s license plate:“TOP…

What Really Matters

Going over our weekly training schedule one…

You Are What You Are

During basic training, our drill sergeant asked…

Parachute Problems

The topic of the day at Army Airborne School was…

Tough Luck

"I feel sorry for this soldier," joked…