Pen in Cheek

Here are intentionally bad first lines from nonexistent novels, courtesy of the annual Lyttle 
Lytton Contest:

“Agent Jeffrey’s trained eyes rolled carefully around the room, taking in the sights and sounds.”

“It was a beautiful night, and the full moon glew like it had never glown before.”

“‘BOOM!’ said the bomb very loudly.”

“‘Ooh la la!’ whispered Larry in French.”

“She had the kind of face that made you want to say, ‘Hey, look 
at your face!’”