Funny One-Liners

“I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you 
remember every…

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men, and I just want…

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest…

Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.—Mae West

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years…

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the…

Tragedy is when I cut my finger, but comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.—Mel…

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.—Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six…

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.—Fred Allen