Religious Jokes

Today's sermon: finding belly laughs in holy places.

NEW FUNNY JOKES

Eve's Online Dating Profile

Eve Sex: Female Age: About 15 minutes since…

From Your Lips to God's...Lips

In Heaven, you get back all the Chapsticks you…

G-d Hates B.S.

Before beginning the service, our pastor read…

The End Is Nigh-er Than You Thought

A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of…

King Soloman Jr.

We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my…

Strain in The Mass

Scene: Sunday mass. I turned to greet an older…

Doctor, Doctor

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up…

The One About The Fishermen and The Angel

Three guys are fishing when an angel…

A Grizzly Conversion

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see…

How Does Moses Make Tea?

How does Moses make tea? He brews.

Barefoot Gandhi

Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, ate very…

This Weather is Hell

Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He…

Budget Cuts

Due to the recession, to save on energy costs…

The Dyslexic Devil Worshiper

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?…

A Tibetan Phone Call

So I called up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and…

A Bird Named Moses

A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining…

One Wish

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells…

A Sign From Above

Spotted on a church marquee: "Love your enemies;…

Church Bulletin

As church secretary, I prepare the bulletin for…

Happy Confession

A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.…

Flip the Switch

After ringing cell phones ruined a service, our…

Exciting Palindromes

The topic for my ninth-grade class was…

House Call

When our minister and his wife visited our…

My Service

Meeting with my new pastor, I asked if I could…

Confession

En route to church to make his first confession…

Symbolic

Is the chemical symbol for holy water H2Omg?

Praying for Hearing

Sam shows up at a revival meeting, seeking help.…

Easy to Forgive

Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I…

Sermon Time

During our priest's sermon, a large plant fell…

Commandments

When I asked my friend if she was planning to…

Not Breaking

After examining the paltry tips left by a church…

Denomination

A woman goes to the post office and asks for 50…

Adam and Eve

Adam bit the apple and, feeling great shame…

Life on an Island

Louie was shipwrecked and lived alone on a desert…

The Good News

With Bible in hand, I read to my high school…

He Works in Mysterious Ways

The subject line on the e-mail sent by our campus…

Respite

During his fourth week of basic training, my…

Bible Bafflement

My friend opened a ministry, using a snippet from…

A Tough Sell

Fact: We salesmen believe we can sell anything…

Preacher on a Horse

A preacher trained his horse to go when he said…

God is Watching

When I went to a Christian school, I walked into…

Necessary Objects

I was telling my three boys the story of the…

Not Listening

Giving a sermon one Sunday, I heard two teenage…

Praying for Food

As my five-year-old son and I were heading to…

A Bell of Time

A friend of mine, a professional organist, was…

Accepting Money

The phone rings at the synagogue office…

Added to the Paper

As part of his talk at a banquet, our minister…

Always a Winner

Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy were playing…

An Animal Situation

Not long after I resigned as pastor of a small…

Arriving Late

One Sunday morning my sister Liz was surprised to…

As Good as New

As the golfer approached the first tee, a…

Asking for Money

The pastor of my church hates to plead for money…

Bad Timing

My boyfriend was working in the souvenir shop at…

Big Fall

During an ice storm I went to check the mailbox…

Chess

We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our…

Cutting Carbs

The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to…

Dead or Alive

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big…

Dress Up

A doctor died and went to heaven, where he found…

Dumb Blonde

The sentence in the Thanksgiving edition of my…

Empty Nesting

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various…

Falling Into Water

The Presbyterians were convening in Scotland…

False Advertising

A computer salesman dies and meets St. Peter at…

Familiar Faces

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear…

Flexing

Our pastor was teaching Proverbs 16:24:…

Forced Into It

We accompanied our son and his fiancée…

Forgetful

A young parish minister about to deliver his…

Frustrated Words

My friend and I delivered a large refrigerator to…

Game Night

Every Catholic church in town but one had its…

Getting Into Trouble

Kevin was not an ideal child. He managed to get…

Getting What you Want

Slogan for a now out-of-business restaurant in…

Giving Directions

The preacher, arriving in a small town to be…

Going Unnoticed

Sharma, my cousin, was telling me about an…

Golf Lover

The funeral directors of the mortuary where I am…

Good for Some, Bad for Others

My sister's dog had been deaf and blind for…

Good Money

A preacher was asking for contributions to the…

Halloween Costume

My six-year-old son was excited about his…

Healthy Feeding

An elderly couple, admitted by St. Peter through…

Honesty is the Best Policy

For the past year or so, my husband has helped…

Hot Water

Do you know how to make holy water? You take some…

In Hiding

A distinguished minister and two elders from his…

Independence

Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the…

Keeping Secrets

Doug was leaving church after Christmas services…

Losing Players

One Sunday I asked our pastor to announce that…

Mailing Commandments

When Travis Wolfe was the editor of religious…

Math Class

The ten-year-old boy was failing math. His…

Mating

Our synagogue was throwing a coming-out party of…

Meeting Place

A man left Chicago for a vacation in Key West…

Multiple Fathers

A group of guys I know took a trip to France and…

New Driver

During a Sunday service, the pastor asked the…

New Form of Communication

Seen while passing by a church: "Get in…

Not so Good Looking

Two priests died at the same time and met St…

Occupied

My wife and I arrived late to a crowded religious…

One for Every Room

One Sunday our priest announced he was passing…

Path to a Great Car

My husband and sons and I had stopped to take in…

Personal Storage

In December at our church, we collect frozen…

Pucker Up

Henry goes to confession and says, "Bless…

Put Together

Jake, Johnny, and Billy died and went to heaven…

Reading the Signs

A motorist was driving in the country when he…

Running Away

Moses was walking down the street when he bumped…

Saying Grace

Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a…