One of my friends, a musician, is always upbeat. Nothing gets her down. But when she developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even her. When I asked if her condition was especially annoying to a musician, she shook her head. "Not really," she said cheerfully. "The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello a half-tone lower."
If men have a smell, it's usually an accident. —Jeff Foxworthy
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. —George Carlin
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. —Woody Allen
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. —Steven Wright
If you stop eating doughnuts you will live three years longer, but it's just three more years that…
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared…
If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets. —Mel Brooks
I'm reading a great book about antigravity—I just can't put it down.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. —Mitch Hedberg
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. —Steven Wright
—Source: Tulsa World
—Source: Charleston Daily Mail
Never eat more than you can lift. —Miss Piggy
I gave my cat a bath the other day ... they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, and it was fun…
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of…
A feminist jumps out of a manhole … oh, and she didn't like that. —Bill Bailey
What is a lion's favorite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells.
On January 20, 2009, we watch as President Barack Obama takes the oath of office. We’ve rounded…
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