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The Best of The Onion Magazine Covers

• “I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work

• The 100 Worst Senators

• The World’s 10 Most Powerful Women: We Make Them Discuss Fashion and Lindsay Lohan

Source: The Onion Magazine: The Iconic Covers That Transformed an Undeserving World (Little, Brown)


Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it:

• Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably

Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser

• Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts

Source: Topeka Capital-Journal

• Free Vain Screening

Source: Boston Globe

• Free rent in exchange for elderly woman


Submitted by James Hutchinson, Carroll Valley, Pennsylvania; Faith Adams, Topeka, Kansas; Annetta Boisselle, Melrose, Massachusetts

Bad Typos in Real Newspapers

We all make mistakes. Some 
are just more public than others, 
like these real newspaper typos:

“Here the bridal couple stood, 
facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.”     Modesto News-Herald (California)

“It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.” Holland Evening Sentinel (Michigan)

“Mrs. ____ fell down stairs at her home this morning, breaking her myhodudududududududosy, and suffered painful injuries.”    Ohio paper

“A headline in an item in the 
Feb. 15th edition incorrectly stated ‘Stolen Groceries.’ It should have read: ‘Homicide.’”    Enquirer-Bulletin

From Just My Typo, by Drummond Moir 
(Three Rivers Press)

Heading Off Criticism

Think the comments on Internet posts are tough? See what happened when the Washington Post asked its readers to write intentionally angry letters to actual headlines:

Headline: 20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless

Response: “Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not ten tons of additional pavement!”

Headline: Maryland Agrees to 
Tobacco Settlement

Response: “Well, that’s all we 
need—an entire settlement of people devoted to their cancer sticks. What’s next, a drunk-driving commune?”

Headline: C.C. United Se Une 
Hoy a Campana Solidaria Pro 

Response: “I was disgusted with 
the sloppy spelling for [this] article. There were so many typos, I couldn’t understand a word.”


File These Headlines Under: We Don’t Even Want to Know.

•Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker

•FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant

•Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself

•Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby

Sources: Ottawa Citizen (Canada),, Associated Press, Toronto Sun

Department of (Ridiculous) Corrections

Journalists and editors on deadline make the occasional error. Some are funnier than others:
• NBC reported that American students rank internationally at: “26th math, 21th science, 17th reading.”
• Britain’s Sky News showed the 
importance of punctuation: “Top 
stories: World leaders at Mandela tribute, Obama–Castro handshake and same-sex marriage date set.”
• A retraction from Wired: “A previous version of this story incorrectly quoted Dropbox cofounder Drew Houston saying ‘anyone with nipples’ instead of ‘anyone with a pulse.’”
Sources:, Washington Times,

Hold the Presses!

Misadventures in headline writing from around the world:

City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells —The Herald-Palladium (St. Joseph, Michigan)

Case of Innocent Man Freed 
After Spending 18 Years in Prison Proves Texas System Works —Lubbock Avalanche-Journal (Texas)

British Left Waffles on Falklands —The Guardian

At Last Singer Etta James Dies —

Headlines around America

• County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds (Register-Guard, Eugene, Oregon)

• 4-H Training Scheduled for Shooting Instructors    (Pine City Pioneer, Minnesota)

• Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances (Winchester Star, Virginia)

• Police: DUI Charge for Woman Celebrating End of Earlier DUI 
Suspension (Chicago Tribune)

• Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons (Tulsa World, Oklahoma)

That Reminds Me of a Joke (Counterfeit Edition)

Here’s the news: A Rhode Island man was arrested for passing a counterfeit $100 bill. What gave him away? Lincoln’s face: It’s supposed to be on the $5 bill.
Source: Sun Chronicle (Attleboro, Massachusetts)

Here’s the laugh: A counterfeiter drives to a small town, enters a store, and hands the rube behind the counter an $18 bill. “Mind making change?” he asks.

“Sure,” says the clerk. “Ya want two nines or three sixes?”


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