Holiday Jokes

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A White Easter

A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the gifts and candy last Easter when her six-year-old woke up to all the booty and shouted, “This is the best Christmas ever!”

Chris McDonough, Wilmington, Delaware

New Year, Old Problems

It’s New Year’s Eve, and the restaurant is hopping—revelers, band, overworked waiters. Wending his way through the crowd is a drunk, staggering back to his seat. Spotting an attractive woman sitting alone, he says, “Pardon me, miss, did I step on your feet a few minutes ago?”

“Yes,” she says testily, “you did.”

“Good! I knew my table was around here somewhere.”

A Fun-Size Quibble

When it comes 
to candy bars, the term fun-sized 
is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being ⅛ the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: 

Jimmy Kimmel

Who's the Real Turkey?

What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have 
in common?

They know what it’s like to be stuffed and then jammed into 
a small place.

Standby, Soldier

Every Easter our church stages an elaborate pageant. Last year the man who played Pontius Pilate had to work on the night of the dress rehearsal, and a chorus member substituted for him.

As we began rehearsing Pilate’s solo, the conductor stopped the orchestra. “Pilate, I don’t hear you,” he called out. “You’re not loud enough.”

“Pilate is at work,” a voice on the stage shouted back. “We’ve got our co-Pilate tonight.”

Contributed by Bill Dyson

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