Holiday Jokes

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My Grandson Is A Smart Egg…

At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap. When it was his turn, Jake didn’t move; he just stared.

“Don’t you want to sit on the 
bunny’s lap?” I asked.

“No!” he shouted. “There’s 
a man in his mouth!”

C. S., via mail

Confessions of a Store Santa

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”

The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”

He promptly replied, “Another train.”

From guy-sports.com

A White Easter

A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the gifts and candy last Easter when her six-year-old woke up to all the booty and shouted, “This is the best Christmas ever!”

Chris McDonough, Wilmington, Delaware

New Year, Old Problems

It’s New Year’s Eve, and the restaurant is hopping—revelers, band, overworked waiters. Wending his way through the crowd is a drunk, staggering back to his seat. Spotting an attractive woman sitting alone, he says, “Pardon me, miss, did I step on your feet a few minutes ago?”

“Yes,” she says testily, “you did.”

“Good! I knew my table was around here somewhere.”

A Fun-Size Quibble

When it comes 
to candy bars, the term fun-sized 
is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being ⅛ the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: 
“disappointment-sized.”

Jimmy Kimmel

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