Holiday Jokes

Celebrate the holidays all year long with these funny holiday jokes.

A Tough Question, by Betsy Salkind

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day…

A White Easter

A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the gifts and…

New Year, Old Problems

It’s New Year’s Eve, and the restaurant is…

The Greatest Disguise

I wonder if Halloween is the one day of the year Lady Gaga…

A Colorful Diet

My parents used to stuff 
me with candy when I was a kid…

The Better Paleo Diet

I’m on the Paleo diet, 
except I’m the caveman who…

You Are What Your Eat

I used to love the candy Nerds, but I stopped eating them…

A Holiday Quiz

“Pretend to be someone you’re 
not, and receive…

I'm a Busy Ghost, People

People always ask kids the same stupid questions. “What…

A Fun-Size Quibble

When it comes 
to candy bars, the term fun-sized 
is…

A Thanksgiving Problem

When I trace a turkey, it comes out looking exactly like my…

Who's the Real Turkey?

What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey…

Standby, Soldier

Every Easter our church stages an elaborate pageant. Last…

Part-Time Work

Scene: A man applying for credit 
at a department store…

No Umbrellas at the North Pole?

Q: Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet? A:…

Reindeer Lessons

Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never went…

Green Thumb?

Q: Why does Santa have three garden plots up at the North…

Great White Christmas

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to good little sharks…

Oh, iGet It

Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with…

Laughing All the Way!

Q: What is a lion’s favorite Christmas carol? A:…

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Q: Why did the children call St. Nick “Santa…

Open Mic Night at the North Pole

Q: What did the reindeer say before telling his joke? A:…

Christmas in Eden

Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas? A: It’s…

Gift of The Magi?

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted…

The Oy of Giving

A mother gave her grown son two sweaters for Hanukkah. The…

‘Tis The Season…Isn’t It?

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go…

Alternate History

My mother cast one of her students as the innkeeper for the…

Second Thoughts

In fourth grade, my son had a huge crush on a classmate. So…

Mothers' Confessions

Mother’s Day is nigh, so we’re loath to say…

The Best Man

My son Timothy was his brother’s best man. To…

Gift From Dublin

A Dubliner proposes to his girlfriend on Saint…

Cupid

I don’t know why Cupid was chosen to represent…

Into the Church

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the…

Interesting Gifts

For Christmas, I gave my kid a BB gun. He gave me a sweater…

Entrance to Heaven

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where…

Birthday Greetings

Greeting Cards: When you care enough to send the very best…

Honest Questions

Two kids are on their way to Sunday school when one says to…

10 Funny Jokes About New Year’s Resolutions

Making resolutions and sticking to them can be difficult…

Different Easter

Just before Easter I remarked to my husband that, with the…

Look-a-Likes

My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family…