Lawyer Jokes

I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a…

If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what? Attorney: "How was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By…

I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter. "Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor," I said. "Linda…

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Peterson," she says. "Would you say you're honest?" "Honest?" replies Peterson. "Let me tell you…

Justice isn't just blind—it's snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes: Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie? Witness: Yes. I would go to hell. Judge: Is that all?…

When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers. "Have you ever dealt with an attorney?" asked the plaintiff's lawyer. "Yes. I had an attorney write my…

After I prosecuted a man for killing a bird out of season with his slingshot, the court clerk suggested setting up a date for him to return with both the money for the fine and proof of community service. "That way," she…

Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm's client denied the allegations. So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously. "He's lying!" he yelled…

While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. My first question: "Did you see the defendant at the scene?" "Yes, from a block away," the officer answered. "Was the…

I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. As part of my job, I explain court procedures to visitors. One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody…