Military Jokes

Visiting a new port is always exciting, and when our destroyer docked in Kiel, Germany, it was no different. In fact, one of my men was awestruck. "Look, Chief," he whispered excitedly. "They have Volkswagens over here too!"

During my time in the Navy, everyone was getting KP or guard duty except me. Not wanting to get in trouble, I asked the ensign why. "What's your name?" he asked. "Michael Zyvoloski." "That's why. I can't pronounce it, much…

When my very pregnant niece, a sergeant in the New York Army National Guard, accidentally knocked over a glass of water, one of her soldiers volunteered to help clean it up. As he was mopping up the mess, an officer walked in.…

Upon returning from a stint in Iraq, my sister insisted that the best part about being home was having real food again: "The Lunchables I had for breakfast was great!"

I was in our local VA hospital when a clerk began scolding a veteran who’d lit up a cigarette in a no-smoking area. "Sir!" she barked. "When did you start smoking?" The conversation came to a halt when he…

After I spoke at a grade school assembly about veterans, a student asked, "Were you ever in a war?" "Yes, two," I said. "World War II and Korea." The girl's follow-up question: "Which war did you…

I was in Afghanistan speaking with a reporter as a soldier packed her things. The major came over and noticed some odd-looking pieces of cloth on her cot. "What are you doing with all these eye patches?" he asked, lifting…

Before he was deployed to Afghanistan, my brother Ken was lamenting over how many people seemed unaware of the conflict. I had to concede his point when I later mentioned to a neighbor that he was leaving for Afghanistan.…

My husband and I were watching Forrest Gump at the base theater. The crowd was pretty quiet throughout the film, until the scene when Forrest graduates from college and is met by an Army recruiter. That was met with a shout from…

During World War II, selective service wasn't always so selective. My nearsighted friend went before the draft board to explain just how poor his vision was. "If I lose my glasses, I won't be able to see at all," he told…