Miscellaneous Jokes

I know it's supposed to be pejorative, but I like the sound of Obamacare. I imagine him making me soup and reading me stories.

After J. K. Rowling announced that she might write a Harry Potter sequel—he was last seen as a married dad—The Week asked its readers to predict the title of the next book. Here’s what they divined: Harry Potter and…

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching…

The Godfather: "I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse. Well, he can refuse it, of course. I just know that if someone were to make me an offer like this, I’d jump all over it. But who am I to impose my…

At a restaurant one night, the man at the next table was pulling out all the stops to impress his underwhelmed date. He crowned a lengthy list of lifetime achievements by stating, "At least I can say I have been a Hollywood movie…

What's the toughest part about writing a book? It's deciding what to call it, as these finalists for the Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year prove. Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter An Intellectual History of Cannibalism…

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape? A: Breathe! Breathe!

Suspicious person: Officer made contact with a man walking backward down a street. When asked, the man told the officer he did not want anyone sneaking up on him.

An amateur pilot wannabe, I knew I'd finally made progress with my flight training the day my instructor turned to me and said, "You know, you're not as much fun since you stopped screaming."

While filling up at a gas station, I accidentally spilled gasoline on my shirt. When I went inside to pay, I noticed a woman crinkling her nose. Embarrassed, I tried to put her mind at ease. "If you smell gas," I said…