Money Jokes

I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time. "Can't you live within your income?" asked the judge. "No, Your Honor," she said. "It's all I…

My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account. One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack of funds and lamented, “Guess I’ll use plastic.” Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook: “I’m…

No one likes coughing up rent. But at least these tenants gave landlords creative reasons for avoiding it. "With my daughter's graduation, our new boat, and our trip to Europe this year, we're a little strapped."…

A local charity had never received a donation from the town's banker, so the director made a phone call. "Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven't given a penny to charity," the director began…

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens. "How did you do that?" he asked.…

To publicize colon cancer screenings, an Idaho doctor suggested that a reminder be included in every tax notice. The idea was nixed. "Recommending a colonoscopy in the same envelope as the tax notice may be considered…

I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $30 apiece. I needed to leave for a few minutes, so I asked him to watch them for me. "Sure," he said, "but if someone offers less, how low are you…

A Brooklyn café is charging $12 for a cup of Ethiopian coffee. The drink doesn't have a name, so The Week asked its readers to do the honors. Mocha Dinero Cost-a-latte Brokefest Blend Excesso Ka-Ching-accino Goldbean…

During an antiharassment seminar at work, I asked, "What's the difference between harassment and good-natured teasing?" A co-worker shouted, "A million dollars." 

From our local TV news station, this undeniably true travel suggestion: "Next up, ten money-saving tips for your trip to Hawaii. Don't go away!"