Sports Jokes

I identify with football players because I know what it's like to spend your whole life training for a large, jewel-encrusted ring.

When my 15-year-old son, Pat, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, "Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!" After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back…

I already regret my choice of Juilliard to win the NCAA.

The reason women don't play football is that 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave him his business card and told him to stop by for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and handed it to him. The…

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.

In honor of our armed forces, the University of South Carolina football team used the backs of players' jerseys to display a little patriotism. They placed words like Duty, Service, Courage, and Commitment where players' names would…

While I was working security at a football game, a fan spilled beer on a cheerleader's pop-poms. As a favor, I rinsed them off in the men's room. As I shook off the water, someone came out of a stall. Stunned, he announced…

I'm not good at sports, but I like parallel parking. Unlike sports, the worse you are at parallel parking, the more people you have rooting for you.

One of the players on our junior high football team never saw action in a game. But my brother, the assistant coach, liked the kid and always gave him pep talks. "Remember, Ben," he told him, "everyone on this team has…