Sports Jokes

Newest Jokes

Poor Sports

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.

“I blame the general manager,” said the first fan. “If he signed better players, we’d be a great team.”

“I blame the players,” said the 
second fan. “If they made more of 
an effort, we’d score some points.”

“I blame my parents,” said the third. “If I’d been born in Seattle, 
I’d be supporting a decent team.”

Virginal Word Choice

The topic of my student’s essay was the importance of trust, camaraderie, and toughness among football 
players. “After all,” he wrote, “you don’t want a bunch of pre-Madonnas out there on the field.”

Michele Metcalf, Louisville, Kentucky

10-Pin Puns

I recently stumbled upon 
my favorite new sports team. It’s 
a woman’s bowling squad called 
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.
Jacqueline Tessman, 
Benton Harbor, Michigan

The Camper's Second Opinion

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.

“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”

The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.

“He says you’re gonna die.”

Definition, Please?

During graduate school, I tutored a football player in Psychology 101. After the session, my supervising professor asked me if I was interested in the student, since he was a good-looking athlete.

“No, I’m not,” I assured him.

“Yeah, you probably prefer men who eat quiche,” he joked.

“Actually, I prefer men who can spell quiche.”

Lynn Ahlgrim-Delzell,Mount Holly, North Carolina

Dangerous Name

When my 15-year-old son, Pat, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, “Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!” After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on over the loudspeaker. “Oh, I get it — Pat Hogan!”

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