25 More Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You

Once the wedding vows are taken, new roles materialize. If only you both had a how-to manual. Here are some insider tips to help nurture future interactions.

The dreaded mother-in-law! Your relationship with her can certainly place stress on your marriage. No matter how hard you try to please her, there will surely be some things she doesn't like but never mentions—or so you hope.

Share your mother-in-law stories. Does she say things you would rather she kept to herself? Or is she more likely to keep mum and leave you guessing?

1. I've never seen my son happier than he is now, married and with children. Thank you.

2. You don't have to call me "Mom." But it would be nice if you did.

3. I'm so grateful that my daughter has another person to look after her. I am finally off the hook.

4. If you hate that green sweater I bought you, please, please tell me. I really want to make you happy.

5. Thank you for making my child so happy. If I haven't told you that very much, it's because I'm afraid you'll think I'm sucking up.

6. I desperately want to ask you, When are you going to have children?

7. I’ve never formed a warm bond with you, but when I see how happy my son is, I feel enormous affection for you.

8. Sometimes I watch you making choices that I so fear will lead you to difficulty. But I bite my tongue. I so wish I could talk to you about it.

9. I'm aware that my time on this earth is growing shorter. I want to spend it positively. I don't want to waste it by fighting.

10. I might not have the best ideas, but I do have decades of experience. I'd like to share my advice more.

11. If you think I can't give good advice because I don't have the full picture, well ... paint it for me.

12. We're from different generations, and we'll probably always see things differently.

13. I really want to give my grandkids a gift now and then, but you forbid me to do it. That's painful.

14. The last time I was at your house, you hardly even spoke to me. I can't understand why.

15. What I want most can't be wrapped in a box or bought online. I just want to be loved.

16. I thought you'd be thrilled to have me as your mother-in-law, that you'd think, Wow, I'm so lucky! It kills me that you don't.

17. I always send gifts for your birthday and all the holidays. It bugs me that you never thank me personally.

18. Some mothers-in-law will say anything. I try not to. It's not wanted, appreciated, or believed.

19. I feel a little resentful that suddenly my whole life is seen through the prism of "the mother-in-law." I've actually led a rich, interesting, complicated life. I wish you'd see me that way.

20. When I call you on the phone at 8 in the morning on a Saturday, I hope you're not secretly saying, "Damn. Why is she calling here so early?"

21. Sometimes I weep. I'll think, How could my child who I loved so much marry someone I don’t understand at all?

22. I want you to need me. I want to feel valued, respected, and loved.

23. I don't always agree with your decisions. But I know you have to live your own life.

24. I would visit my grandchildren more if I felt closer to you.

25. You're bright, thoughtful, and loving. I'm lucky we have each other.

Sources: Susan Abel Lieberman, PhD (The Mother-in-Law's Manual), Jane Angelich (What's a Mother [in-Law] to Do?), and anonymous mothers-in-law in four states.

From Reader's Digest - May 2009

 

• Mother's Day
• • Watercooler
• Secrets You Need to Know
• Family Life

• 13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You
• Build a better relationship with his mother by remembering these things she'd like to say but won't (you hope!)
• 
• What Do You Wish Your Mother-in-Law Would Never Say?
• Join the conversation!
• 
• 13 Things Your Pizza Guy Won't Tell You
• Pizza delivery guys share their secrets, tips and best etiquette advice.
• 
• 13 Things Your Grocer Won't Tell You
• Get smarter about grocery shopping. These tips could change your family eating habits.
•