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A. They ask, “What about the dads?” So I wrote a song for them called “Dad-Sense.” It’s just two lines: “Ask your mom, ask your mom.” The guys don’t laugh much, but the women love it.
Q. Your husband resigned from his post as minister of a church to become your road manager. Are you at each other’s throats yet?
A. John’s a very tolerant, patient man, and I’m an excitable, spastic woman. Between us, a lot of stuff gets done. But on the road, we’re together 24 hours a day, so on those days we’re home, he’ll go outside or to Home Depot to try to make me miss him.
Q. Your faith informs your humor. But do you think that when some people hear the term “Christian comic,” they assume they’ll be preached to?
A. I’m sure some are wondering, Are they going to take an offering? But I can’t imagine that going to my show would be a much different experience than going to a club, other than the fact that my humor is clean and comes from a place of hope and joy, not anger. When you come to one of my shows, you pretty much get the same thing as if you sat down at a Starbucks with me, except at the coffee shop, you wouldn’t get the big musical numbers.
Wombmates
Anita Renfroe explains the whole birth-order thing
“My theory is that with the first child, there’s not much room in the womb, so he has to fight for every centimeter. That makes firstborns overachievers in life. When the second one gets in there, there’s a little more room, but he can tell that someone’s been in there before him and he doesn’t think that’s fair. That frames his mind-set from there on out. By the third one, the womb’s all stretched out, and that’s why the youngest ones are the most relaxed—because they’ve got this big addition.”
The Mom-to-English Dictionary
In an excerpt from her new book, Anita Renfroe writes, “Mothers feel the need to command, demand, advise, direct, instruct, and enlighten with or without provocation.” Here, she explains the most common momisms.
“Don’t use that tone of voice with me.”
Moms have hair-trigger attitude radar. When a mom feels that she is about to be disrespected, she gives you fair warning that you’re about ten words shy of doing something very stupid. Past this point lie only the skeletons of your former social life.
“Clean your room.”
This is impossible to accomplish, due to the fact that moms and kids will never agree on a standardized definition of the term clean. But this is an important concept, as Mom doesn’t want your future spouse to judge her parental skills based on your lack of tidiness.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
I’ve read that if you encounter a less-than-friendly dog, the worst thing you can do is make eye contact. Perhaps this is what kids instinctively do when moms give them the what for and they look away.
“Bundle up.”
All moms are unlicensed meteorologists. They live and breathe to project weather patterns and what those mean for your wardrobe needs right now. But the phrase could also mean:
1) She knows it’s cold enough outside to make you sick
2) she saw the forecast and thinks it’s probably cold outside
3) she herself is cold.
“Make your bed.”
If everything is carefully smoothed out and tucked in tight, the mother can assume you are no longer there and the truant officer will not come knocking today.
“Shut that door.
Were you born in a barn?” Seems like this is a question only the mom would know the answer to.
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