Help Yourself Through Hard Times (page 2 of 2)

Get Up and Go!

Get Out and Do!

"After a few weeks, I urge people recovering from loss to get back into a routine," says psychiatrist and Boston University professor Bessel A. van der Kolk. "It's important to force yourself to concentrate on things other than your hurt." Consider these activities:

Join a support group. Once you've made the decision to "get on with life," you'll need someone to talk to -- and the most effective kind of conversation can be with someone else who has undergone an ordeal.

Read. When you can focus after the initial shock, reading -- especially self-help books -- can offer inspiration as well as relaxation.

Keep a journal. Many find comfort in creating an ongoing record of their experiences. At best it can serve as a kind of self-therapy.

Plan events. The idea that there are things to look forward to reinforces that you are forging ahead into a fresh future. Schedule that trip you've been postponing.

Learn new skills. Take a course at a community college, or take up a new hobby or sport. You have a new life ahead; any new skill will complement it.

Reward yourself. During highly stressful times, even the simplest daily chores -- getting up, showering, fixing something to eat -- can seem daunting. Consider every accomplishment, no matter how small, a victory to be rewarded.

Exercise. Physical activity can be especially therapeutic. "Exercise gets you out of your head and your troubles," Aronoff explains, "and it allows you to experience your body with your two feet on the ground."

Be Patient With Yourself

People often ask, "When will this terrible pain stop?" Experts resist being pinned down to time frames. "Roughly, it's a minimum of six months before you even start to feel better," says Aronoff. "And it can be as long as a year, possibly two. A lot depends on disposition, the support within your environment, and if you get help and work on it."

So, be easy on yourself. Recognize that you'll need time, and that your own pace of recovery may not fit with that of others. Congratulate yourself at each step through grief: I'm still here, I've made it this far!

Sailing is a slow business. I made it to Florida in five weeks. In attempting to "run away," I'd embarked on a trip that gave me a structure, a daily outdoor routine requiring physical exertion, and plenty of time. I was still hurting, but by the time I anchored in Miami, I was ready to try again. At what, I wasn't sure.

"Why not get back to writing -- to what you were trained for?" said my dad over the phone. He was right. And here I am now, writing to you. It feels good to be back.

From Reader's Digest - February 1997

Originally in Reader's Digest

 

• • Stress Relief
• Happiness
• • Mind & Body
• • Depression

• A Life Fully Lived
• She lost her daughter to liver cancer and her husband to a heart attack, but Anna Ling Pierce turned tragedy into a celebration of life by raising money for pediatric cancer research.
• 
• Developing Coping Skills
• 6 tried-and-true stress relievers that can help you cope.
• 
• How Friends Help Us Cope
• How close relationships relieve stress and keep you healthy.
• 
• How to Help a Depressed Loved One
• Don't tell him to "snap out of it." There are better ways to deal with depression.
• 

• Be Inspired
• 10 Celebrities Who Give Back
• 7 Amazing Stories, $700,000 to Charity
• Virginia Cervasio: Making It Matter
• PLUS:
• Quiz: What's Your Celebrity Cause IQ?