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TwitThis1. Does my adviser value the same things I do? I once sought a hotel recommendation from a well-traveled friend and made the mistake of taking it. The hotel was okay, but it charged $40 for breakfast and $8 for a bottle of water. Afterward, I asked my pal what she loved about the place. "The spa treatments!" she said. In thinking I'd be thrilled to get a seaweed wrap, she apparently forgot she was talking to a guy who, when not traveling, shaves twice a week. Great friend, different values, bad advice.
2. Does he have a stake in the advice? When a mechanic says your car needs more than a tune-up, you might get a second opinion. In fact, always get a second opinion, whether it's about your car, your health, or your teenager.
3. Does he know what he's talking about? When I was 27, I needed advice on one of life's biggest decisions: marriage. I figured my father, who'd been married to my mother for 30 years at that point, would be a good person to consult. The talk went like this:
ME: So, Dad, you've met Dorothy. She's beautiful and intelligent. Think we're right for each other?
DAD: I don't know if you're right for her, but you'll sure never do better.
ME: You're saying I should marry her.
DAD: I'm saying if you ever leave that girl, it will be the stupidest thing you ever do. Which is saying a lot.
Turns out, I picked the right adviser, he gave great advice, and I'm grateful to this day.
--Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank You for Arguing
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