How to Comfort a Friend

When a life-threatening diagnosis becomes a part of a loved one's life we don't always know what to do or say first. Here are some pointers.

From Reader's Digest

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When a friend receives a serious diagnosis, it's the rare individual who knows instinctively how to respond.

Rule No. 1: Assume nothing.
We think we might know how someone feels because we know other sick people, but everybody's experience is different.

Rule No. 2: Do more listening than talking.
False reassurance is not helpful: "Don't worry, you'll be fine" won't help if your friend has, for instance, pancreatic or lung cancer. Take your cues from the other person. Is he saying "I know I'm gonna beat it" or "I'm really scared I'm going to die"?

Rule No. 3: "I don't know what to say" is okay.
Most people do not know what to say. Admit up front "I don't know what will be of help to you. Do you need someone to pick up the kids, to make lasagna, to take you for a manicure?" You have to ask.

Rule No. 4: But don't push.
You can ask, "How are you feeling?" If you hear "I'm great!" that means "I don't want to talk." You can suggest or recommend, then you just have to back off.

Sara Goldberger, a cancer survivor, an oncology social worker, and director of program support for Gilda's Club Worldwide (gildasclub.org; 888-GILDA-4-U)

From Reader's Digest - August 2009

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my friend has a bone cancer and because of this I'm afraid he lost interest in life. Just when he is doing good in school and he has his ambition, that's when this happened. I really don't know what to say to him or how to act when I'm with him. I laugh when I'm around him and he laughs as well but we both know were just faking it out T_T

By Ying_cai, on 01/18/2010

Last year my dear friend was diagnosed with cancer. She ultimately lost her fight but the experience inspired me to create www.humantribeproject.com - a website dedicated to providing emotional and financial support to a loved one in their time of need. If you are in this situation, check it out - www.humantribeproject.com.

By Jaclyn Foutz, on 07/31/2009

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How to Comfort a Friend

When a life-threatening diagnosis becomes a part of a loved one's life we don't always know what to do or say first. Here are some pointers.

From Reader's Digest - August 2009

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