Is It Just Me?: Let's Stop Scaring Our Kids

Vilified for letting her nine-year-old ride the New York City subway alone, our author implores: let's stop scaring our kids.

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Photographed by Andrew Brusso
Kids can leave home without a police detail and survive.
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It's 7:35 on the Today show-the time reserved for big, national stories. (George Clooney isn't scheduled till later.) Ann Curry is speaking directly to the camera, her face friendly but concerned because her next guest just may be insane. "So," she asks her six million viewers, "is she an enlightened mom or a really bad one?"

The shot widens to reveal … me.

My son, Izzy, is by my side, stuffed with NBC's free cookies, both of us here because I'd recently left him, deliberately, in the first-floor handbag department of the Manhattan Bloomingdale's.

He was nine and had been begging me to please let him find his way home from someplace-anyplace-on the subway, by himself. After all, we live in New York City, and getting around by public transit is a basic part of life, like yelling at cabbies in the crosswalk. It's also a rite of passage, the first step toward feeling grown-up. So on that sunny Sunday, I gave him a subway map, a transit card, $20 for emergencies, and a couple of quarters in case he had to call me. (No, no cell phone. Nine-year-olds lose things.)

Despite a tiny twinge, however, I had no intention of losing him. New York today is as safe as it was in 1963, making it almost embarrassingly ungritty-but reassuring. So I waved goodbye and left in the other direction. After 45 minutes, he arrived home, far more tickled than your average commuter.

A few days later, I wrote about his adventure, or nonadventure, for my paper, the New York Sun. Little did I realize this would be the Subway Ride Heard Round the World.

Somehow the idea that a kid could navigate the city on his own, and that a mom would let him, was big news. Huge! It turned out the Today show interview was just the first of the day. After I dropped Izzy off at school, I sped up to MSNBC to talk about his ride again. When Fox News called, I turned around and grabbed him back out of school, and off we zoomed to Neil Cavuto. The segment got more feedback than the Bear Stearns bailout hearing.

Pretty soon, NPR was calling. Newsweek. The BBC. Malta. Bloggers were going crazy, so I started a blog, too, Free Range Kids, and letters came pouring in: "Bravo!" vs. "Why didn't child services come to your door?" Then came a call from the South China Morning Post: Izzy's story was perfect for Asia.

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I think that parnts should stop being so over protective of their children. im 14 years old and my parents wont let me walk to and from my bus stop that is less than 5 minutes from my house. I understand wanting you child to be safe and if you are going to spend time teaching them how to be safe when they are out by themselves then you should trust that they know what to do. when you let them do something like simple like walking to the bus it shows that you trust them to make the right choices.

By Jax, on 01/02/2010

no way!! if ever i will have a child, I will not let him/her go alone because thats too scary. maybe what happen to that kid is just pure luck but we never know what is going to happen without adult supervision. the world is soo big.

By olahgirl22, on 11/12/2008

I am absolutely impressed. I mean, I'm a father in Metro Manila, Philippines and though I have never been to New York, I know people who've been there, including the present Consul General of the Philippine Consulate who is a fraternity brother. It can indeed be pretty scary. But children are smarter than we think, aren't they? I notice that in my son. At around three years old, he knew which door of the hotel floor to open and I said, how on earth did he do that?

By marvinmacs, on 10/15/2008

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