Marriage Today: What 1,001 Couples Report (page 5 of 6)

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Finding No. 4: Guys Get Gushy About Marriage Too

The Statistics
When asked to rate aspects of their marriages, men picked the following five most often:

Level of trust with spouse 64%
Compatibility 56%
Ability to forgive each other 55%
Freedom of personal/career growth 55%
Time together talking, laughing, having fun 47%

Men most often said their wives were "better than expected" in these important areas of marriage:

Sense of humor 47%
Open-mindedness 39%
Career ambition 39%
Sense of kindness 36%
Emotional skills 34%

Women most often said their husbands were "better than expected" in these areas:

Sense of honor or trust 43%
Sense of kindness 42%
Sense of humor 39%
Intellectual skills 38%
Parenting skills 38%
Money management 35%

Forget media-fueled images of monosyllabic grunters and strong, silent types. Husbands are effusive, heartfelt, and articulate in their appreciation of both their partners and their marriages. In our survey, the guys were nearly as gushy as the women -- and in some areas, gushed even more. Most said they loved their wives more now than on their wedding day -- and would do it all over again. They also had no fears about being openly tender and romantic.

Here's what a few men shared when asked to describe their most cherished marriage moments.

"Kissing in the snow."
"My wife's face when our two daughters were born and recently our first grandchild."
"Snuggled up in bed on a cold winter day, warm under the covers."
"The look of joy and happiness on her face as she came toward me at the altar."
"The first and every time we make love."
"I can't believe how lucky I am to have the woman of my dreams. I cherish every moment of every day that I'm with her."
"When we first danced together. We both love to dance and enjoy the art of dance, and we connected as soon as we danced. It was as if we had expressed our affection and attraction with body language word for word."
"The moment I realized she was the person I wanted to be with forever."

Guys told us that their wives went above and beyond expectations in some surprising areas -- including a sense of humor, open-mindedness, kindness, and having good emotional skills. Paying attention to these key touch points can give wives a road map for reaching an even happier union. Tops on the list: more respect for being funny.

"The women in the survey weren't saying 'my guy is funnier now than when I married him,' but many men said their wives were funnier -- and they liked that," notes Brown University psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever. "That tells you that humor is very important to married men. Studies suggest that a wife's sense of humor can help a husband feel more content when there's been discontent in a marriage. But the opposite isn't always true: A husband's sense of humor doesn't soothe his wife when they've had problems. Men want their wives to laugh with them and to realize that you can solve serious problems while you're laughing. Too often, women marry a man who makes them laugh, but afterward humor is seen as a sign that he's not taking things seriously."

Men also value open-mindedness in their wives -- two in five praised their wives for being better than expected in this area that embraces flexibility, tolerance, and acceptance. Dr. Haltzman links open-mindedness to a woman's ability to show respect for her mate's ideas, plans, and abilities. "What's clear to me from my own work and research is that men genuinely want to feel appreciated. What men have to offer, more than their emotional connection to their wives, is their capacity, their knowledge, their skills, their desire to fix things and improve things. When that is ignored, it's kind of like 'What am I here for?'"

They also deeply appreciated their wives' emotional skills. "Men realize that they rely on women to take the lead when it comes to emotions," Dr. Haltzman notes. "Many men have told me they really respect that their wives have a better sense of emotional intelligence. Women process emotions more quickly, have a more sophisticated level of emotional awareness, and can interpret facial expressions with greater ease. Any husband worth his salt will try to learn from his wife's emotional skills."