Normal or Nuts? (page 2 of 3)

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Some compulsions are normal and others may be signs of a deeper problem.

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>I cannot eat certain big, tricky-to-bite things in front of people unless I know them very well. Facing a huge sandwich at a business lunch is a nightmare. And a floppy wet salad on a date? Forget it. That's odd, no?

"It's not odd," says New York psychologist Pelusi. "Social concerns like this make sense," especially on a date. Studies show that women are more likely to put very little on their plate when they eat with men because they have a fear of being considered gluttonous, lazy, or unfit. Research also suggests this fear is founded: Men do consider women who overeat to be unfit. But -- and here's the catch -- men don't give it nearly as much thought as women think they do.

Psychologist Tom Gilovich, PhD, of Cornell University calls this phenomenon the spotlight effect: We spend more time thinking about what people think about us than we do thinking about other people, so we all feel much more in the spotlight than we really are. "One way to get around this is to push yourself deliberately," says Pelusi. "Order that huge sandwich, risk the social silliness, and see that nothing bad happens."

>I can't stop shopping. I have every color of glitter for my hair and eyes. I have stacks of books I've never read. I keep going to the same stores and even buy things I already have, just in case. My friends say my house looks like a store. What's wrong with me?

You say "just in case," but we have to ask, Just in case what? In what earthquake or tsunami is glitter going to help? "Many a good person has been afflicted by the disease called retail therapy, and many have become addicted," says Janice Levine, PhD, a psychologist in Lexington, Massachusetts. "It's very common when you're feeling low or needy to want to nurture yourself by buying yourself a gift." The question is whether you're controlling it or it's controlling you. In your case, it sounds like the latter. You show symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) with a particular obsession for hoarding things.

A visit to a qualified therapist could help you gain control over the obsession and perhaps even bring back the joy of shopping for things you actually need and like.

>My mom, in her late 70s, constantly rearranges her furniture -- heavy stuff like dressers and couches. I tell her she's too old, but she won't listen. Think she's nuts?

If her Martha Stewart mania constitutes a recent personality change, it could be age-related. Or she might be suffering from anxiety or OCD. But before you go all medical on her, ask yourself this: What if she's just bored?

It's not uncommon for older people to feel like there's nothing to do. Perhaps her furniture is the only creative outlet left to her. A little mother-child heart-to-heart would be the place to begin. "Sounds to me like she's getting pleasure out of this activity," says Michelle Riba, MD, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan. "If that's the case, why not help her out? It could be a nice sharing thing to do with your mother."

>Nothing fazes me emotionally for a long span of time. I can hear or see the most horrible thing and it doesn't bother me. But later it hits me like a ton of bricks and I can't stop crying. Is this just a defense mechanism, or what?

"People metabolize stress in different ways," says psychologist Coleman. Some emote constantly; others, like you, keep it bottled up until it explodes. The ability to compartmentalize emotion is immensely valuable to fighter pilots, pro athletes, and other people who have to keep their cool in stressful situations, says Gene Beresin, MD, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard University. But what is a benefit in extreme jobs can be a detriment in more quotidian pursuits. You may find that your save-it-up approach hurts your relationships. Learning to face your feelings in smaller chunks would be a good skill to learn, Dr. Beresin says. A therapist can help.

• • Normal or Nuts
• • Mind & Body

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• Normal or Nuts 2006
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• Normal or Nuts 2007
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• The Hoarding Syndrome -- When Clutter Goes Out Of Control
• Saving stuff is normal. Sometimes, though, it can go too far.
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