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Mention ill-mannered children and most people roll their eyes at the memory of a little hellion and his boorish parents. I still get angry about an incident that happened last summer. We were staying at a country inn that had a small movie theater. Before every evening's presentation, my husband and I instructed our three-year-old son to sit quietly. Except for an occasional whispered question, he sat in rapt attention.The soundtrack, however, was impossible to hear. That's because two children bounced on their seats, talked loudly and raced up and down the aisles. Never once did I see a parent. After several evenings of this, I followed the children to the dining room. There sat a man and woman enjoying a relaxed meal.
"My family is having a hard time watching the film with your children running all over the theater," I said. "Do you think if they're not interested in the movie, you could keep them out here?"
The father regarded me coolly. "We've paid for the use of the inn's facilities," he said. "Our children can go anywhere they please."
I was dumbfounded. What could make a seemingly rational couple condone behavior that is so obviously rude? Have we as a society become so consumed with our own needs and the impulses of our children that everyone else's rights are ignored?
"Take a look at television these days, and it's becoming almost commonplace to be arrogant and crude," notes psychologist Thomas Achenbach of the University of Vermont.
Comparing assessments of American children in the mid-1970s and the late 1980s, Achenbach found that children in the latter group were, on average, more impulsive and disobedient than their counterparts a decade and a half earlier. The fraying of the nuclear family and the demands on working parents, many experts believe, have produced a generation of children who can program a computer but don't know how to write a thank-you note.
Even parents who strive to teach their children manners are appalled at how easily those lessons can be undone by what takes place beyond their homes. Leann Aykut of Scottsdale, Ariz., knows this well. One day her 11-year-old son found his sister using his telephone in his room. "Get off my phone," he yelled, calling her an obscene name.
Aykut raced to her son's room. "You've no right to talk to your sister like that," she scolded.
The boy shrugged. He explained that a friend had been arguing with his mother and called her by that term.
"We never talk that way in this house," Aykut said firmly.
While you can't protect your children from what goes on outside your home, experts believe that with patience and persistence, parents can do a lot to make their children beauties in our world full of beasts.
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