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Uncovering Hidden Memories
In the 1950s, many experts told parents that raising a child with a disability at home would be a burden to other children in the household, says Sue Swenson, executive director of the Arc (formerly known as the Association for Retarded Citizens) of the United States, an advocacy group. "Support systems didn't exist," she explains, "so most people felt they had no choice but to send the child away." Many of these "throwaway" children grew up without being touched except to have their diapers changed or to be fed, says Swenson. Now that sad chapter is finally coming to an end in Oregon, thanks to Jeff and Cindy Daly.It was February 4, 2004, when Jeff nervously rang the doorbell of the supervised group home where Molly, then 49, was living with four other adults like her. When he and Cindy walked into the living room, residents and staffers were sitting in a circle so everybody would have a ringside seat. Molly, who has the emotions and intellect of a young child, is blind in one eye and uses a wheelchair to get around, smiled and shyly turned her head as Jeff approached.
"Molly," Jeff said through tears, hugging his sister, "I'm your brother, Jeff. I'm so sorry that I haven't been a part of your life." Molly reached out and held his hand. Turning to Cindy, Jeff sobbed, "I remember Molly! Where have those memories been hiding?" Suddenly, he recalled the close relationship he and Molly had before she was sent away -- the times they played in the sand at the beach, the laughter they shared, the nights Jeff let her sleep in his bed so she'd stay warm.
In the weeks after the reunion, Jeff learned that his wife's brother-in-law, Layne DeLoff, also had a sister who was sent to Fairview in the early 1960s. All Layne knew was that her name was Sherry and she was about a year younger than he was when she "disappeared."
Layne and his wife, Claudia, spent weeks trying to find Sherry, but Oregon officials told them it was against privacy laws to supply information without her consent. Finally, a sympathetic state worker risked her job and called the DeLoffs to say that Sherry was living at a group home in La Grande, Oregon. The Dalys couldn't believe that a search they did in a few hours took the DeLoffs almost two months and ended successfully only because somebody broke the law.
"Cindy and I decided right then to do whatever it took to get the law changed," says Jeff. He and his wife, a former lobbyist for the cell phone industry, pressured the Oregon State Legislature to make it easier for families of those with disabilities to reconnect, and Jeff, who works as a freelance cameraman, began filming a documentary about Molly's life.
State Sen. Peter Courtney sponsored "Molly's Bill" last year when he learned that most of the 20,000 children who were sent to Fairview never saw their families again. The first of its kind in the country, the law, signed in July 2005, requires that the Oregon Department of Human Services notify disabled people or their care providers when a relative wants to make contact. The Dalys are now working with the Arc to get similar legislation passed on a federal level. "We're not stopping until every state has this on the books," says Jeff. "Our parents might have thought cutting off contact was the best thing to do, but why weren't we given a choice to know our siblings?"
Records of Molly's first few doctor visits as an infant show that she was "normal," though born with a clubfoot and a lazy eye. But at 18 months, when Molly wasn't walking or talking, the pediatrician told Jack and Sue Daly that their daughter was "profoundly retarded" and recommended Fairview.
Through interviews with relatives and family friends, Jeff has learned that his mother agreed to send Molly away, "because a disabled child wasn't right for her perfect life." Jack Daly was an executive at Bumble Bee Seafoods, and he and his wife had to do a great deal of business entertaining. "My mother was concerned about her image," says Jeff.
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