Renewed Passions
A year later, Mike and Maria have answered the wake-up call in their marriage. First, they spend more time just relaxing together. In fact, when an opportunity came up to buy a small beach cabin near their home, they jumped at it. Now they're getting away to their computer-free, cell-phone-free hideaway at least once a month."I had to realize that I have one of those jobs that's never done, and my family is more important," says Maria. Mike had to make some changes in his job too. Now a manager covers the restaurant on the weekends Mike leaves town. Usually, the couple takes two-year-old Tess along, but sometimes she stays with Maria's mom, giving Mike and Maria more time for talk and romance.
They've also been finding more time to exercise regularly. Mike goes to the gym mid-morning after taking Tess to day care. He takes long walks on weekends at the beach. Maria's also doing a lot more physical activities with her daughter -- like dancing along to a "run, hop and march" video. When Maria walks on the beach, Tess often accompanies her in a backpack.
The result? Mike has lost 90 pounds and Maria's lost 70.
The couple also make a conscious effort to share their feelings about life events, both past and present. They're also showing more appreciation, affection and trust. "We're definitely having more fun and less drudgery," says Mike.
And the romance? "It's returning," he reports.
Mike and Maria had all the love they needed; it never went away. They just had to be reminded to return to what worked -- communicating their feelings with each other and showing their support, understanding and love.
Two Truths About Happy Marriages
- Happily married couples behave like good friends. Their relationships are characterized by respect, affection and empathy, and they pay close attention to what's happening in each other's lives. Studies of couples discussing conflict demonstrate this well. Spouses in happy, stable marriages made five positive remarks for every one negative remark when they were discussing conflict. In contrast, couples headed for divorce offered less than one positive remark (0.8, to be exact) for every single negative remark.
- Happily married couples handle conflicts in gentle, positive ways. They recognize that some conflict is inevitable, but they don't get gridlocked in separate positions. Instead, they keep talking to each other. They listen respectfully to each other and find compromises that work for both of them.



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