What Dads Are Made Of (page 2 of 2)

Dad as Explorer and Expert

I still remember when my own dad, Ralph, first took me to work with him. I was just four years old the day we awoke as the sun was rising. He boosted me up into his gas truck, and we headed out to farms in eastern North Carolina. The acres of crops, the big animals and the farm machinery were all spellbinding. I wondered: How did he find out about these places and know how to talk to people? In my small-child way, I understood that this experience was unique: My dad had introduced me to a world beyond my own neighborhood.

From our earliest moments in life, dads help us face the world. Most moms prefer holding their infants toward them; babies find this safe and comforting. Fathers swap that feeling of security for a broader view, letting babies notice the sights and sounds around them. When a dad asks his child for help with yard work, for example, he opens the door to informal teachable moments about biology and botany. Kids value the information and novelty, and their conversations about real things -- what educators call "science process talk" -- create the curiosity and problem-solving skills needed for science and math.

Dad as Unique Teacher
In this country, most children don't have male homeroom teachers until middle school. The shortage of male teachers in preschools and grammar schools means that most kids miss out on the experience and competence that men can share -- making it even more important for dads to play an active role at home.

One way to do this is by reading together. The books a father selects, and the way he reads them and talks about them, strongly influence kids' language development, reading skills, and general knowledge, according to Pruett. A dad is more likely to choose nonfiction over fiction. He might select a book about airplanes, treating his child to a varied vocabulary and the enticing sounds of his male intonation.

Daddy-style reading does make an academic difference, many experts agree. Girls whose fathers read to them, according to a Michigan study, show much higher verbal skills. For boys, the stakes are perhaps higher. When a father doesn't model reading, a son may decide that it's not an activity meant for males. And when boys don't read for pleasure, it's a choice that handicaps their fluency, word recognition and knowledge base.

Other advantages: When fathers teach how to build with blocks or throw a ball, they're constructing large- and small-motor skills, sensory pathways and body awareness.

Encouraging Time With Dad
Moms sometimes spoil the fun with concerns about sleep, safety or cleanliness. Parke suggests that moms pick their battles. Mom Katie Pike agrees. "David is so enthusiastic with love for our girls," she says. "I wouldn't want to intervene. In fact, it warms my heart to hear them getting all silly upstairs."

Dads also engage more with their children "when they're considered partners in parenting and not merely helpers," says Parke. "Let a father choose the activity, and he'll be much more enthusiastic."

"I welcome Eric's fresh perspective and physical attention to Will," says Caroline McAlpine. "When Eric walks in the door, Will climbs all over him." To promote this interaction, Caroline calls her husband during the day to let him know something Will said about him, or to say that their son is excited to see him. She also talks up Daddy to Will, nurturing their relationship -- a role mothers do so well.

Even when men don't live in the same home with them, their presence in their children's lives is still vital. "We have a saying: There are ex-husbands but no ex-fathers," says Parke. "The studies on divorce are quite clear. Children do well when they know that their father cares -- for example, if he supplements visits with telephone calls, letters or e-mails."

Moms and dads are indeed different, concludes Parke. "But their distinctive styles of caretaking complement each other perfectly to the advantage of children."

From Reader's Digest - June 2005

 

• • Parenting Teens
• • Relationships
• Family Life
• • Parenting Kids

• 7 Ways to Create a Happy Household
• Learn how you can boost your children's emotional well-being.
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• The Rules of a Better Parent-Child Relationship
• The benefits of laying down the law(s)
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• What to Do When Kids Say, "I Hate You!"
• Learn how to keep calm during conflicts with your children.
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• The Joke's on Dad
• Double the fun of Dad's special day with our funny Father's Day jokes!
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