What Dads Are Made Of

The three unique ways fathers contribute to childhood development.

A Father's Parenting Style

Will McAlpine, two and a half years old, likes to "help" his dad, Eric, in their suburban backyard in Glen Ellyn, Illinois. As father and son toss grass, leaves and rocks into a wheelbarrow, Eric points out different colors and shapes. Sometimes they pause during their chores to observe planes and clouds overhead. What they don't pay attention to is the mess of mud on their shoes -- or how they leave a trail of dirt in their wake when they enter the house.

David Pike of Charlotte, North Carolina, relishes reading to his three young daughters at bedtime. He reads familiar favorites like Goodnight Moon and Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham. Just as the girls' mom, Katie, thinks David has the kids settled down, "a giggle fest erupts," she says. Five-year-old Aidan begins pleading for David to "squirb" her (the family's term for making funny sounds on their bellies). "Squirb me. Squirb me too," squeals three-year-old Herron. By now everyone is wide awake.

Dad: He's a mess-maker, rule-breaker, risk-taker. In general, he's the opposite of Mom, the master nurturer, creator of law and order. But for all his mischief, Dad is doing something quite right. The same daddy-like interactions that sometimes annoy moms will significantly contribute to children's social skills and success in school.

"Children's social, physical, and intellectual development benefit greatly from the involvement of fathers," says Kyle Pruett, MD, professor of child psychiatry at Yale and author of Fatherneed. The intellectual gains are measurable as early as the first year of life, and they continue to show up through high school, especially when dads, together with moms, are actively involved in school and learning. According to the experts, fathers create this intelligence advantage, as well as many others, in three important ways: in how they play, interact in everyday situations, and teach.

Rough-and-Tumble Dads
Fathers tend to be more arousing and unpredictable with kids from the get-go. They rock infants more than moms do, and roll around with them in floor play. Babies as young as eight weeks old notice the difference between a mom's protectiveness and a dad's stimulation.

When pediatric researcher Michael W. Yogman, MD, videotaped two-month-olds, for example, the little ones showed special signs of excitement when their fathers approached. They scrunched up their shoulders, breathed more rapidly and opened their eyes wide. And kids pick fathers over mothers for fun and action more than two-thirds of the time, according to a study of the preferences of two-and-a-half-year-olds by Alison Clarke-Stewart, professor of psychology at the University of California, Irvine. When Tim Otterman of Morristown, New Jersey, wrestles with his sons, 9-year-old Chad and 8-year-old Andrew, "it's about affection, not aggression," he says. "They're also learning their capabilities and limitations."

Research shows that this kind of daddy-style play builds cognitive skills, and helps children acquire social and emotional experiences that prepare them for school -- how to take turns, how to negotiate, regulate and understand feelings, and how to be a leader. "Kids who learn these early social skills from their fathers do better with peers," says Ross Parke, distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and author of Fatherhood.

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• • Relationships
• Family Life
• • Parenting Kids

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• Learn how to keep calm during conflicts with your children.
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• The Joke's on Dad
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