Learning to Cope
Which is to say it hurts that Woody doesn’t remember Mary Ellen’s name; he calls her Daughter. And she worries that her mother will lose herself—once a vibrant painter and art teacher with an active social life—while caring for her dad. Mary Ellen encourages her to take time away and often heads out with Woody alone. Not long ago, she splurged for $100 tickets to the Detroit Pistons so Woody could see his favorite team play, but the experience just seemed to confuse him.Outside the stadium’s men’s room, he turned to each person waiting in line and introduced himself with a handshake—“Woody Geist, Woody Geist, Woody Geist”—thinking he was in a receiving line. When he and Mary Ellen got to their car after the game, he said, “Who won?” As she informed him that the Pistons were victorious, Mary Ellen thought, Two hundred dollars down the drain!
Woody can still dress himself, but not always correctly. Recently, Mary Ellen found him wearing socks on his hands. He isn’t always certain what shoes are either, and once, he emerged from the bedroom wearing Rosemary’s pink sweater.
She tries not to injure her father’s pride and instead plays to his strengths. “We make the bed and sing,” she says. “I vacuum, and he sings.” But of late, Woody has seemed more lost, and sometimes he panics. He feels the pulse on the side of his head and says he’s dying, or talks of planning to kill himself. “This is the kind of awareness he was not supposed to have at this stage,” says Rosemary. “The doctor said he would be fairly happy now, but that has not happened.”
There are days when both Rosemary and Mary Ellen doubt they can continue. Mary Ellen, who is writing a book about her experience, feels the tug of her career. And she wonders if coming home has just postponed the inevitable: putting Woody in a home, where he might be happier too.
Still, Mary Ellen calls the last years a gift. “There is such a feeling that wells up inside you when you put someone’s needs in front of your own.”



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