No matter what question I ask, say “pea soup.”
What did you have for breakfast?
What did you have for lunch?
What did you have for dinner?
What did you do all night?
Pathetic, right? I kill at home. (One of the surprise upsides of parenthood is that you’re suddenly the most hilarious person in the world.)
You might ask yourself, How
is it possible that Reader’s Digest (legendary for our trademark column “Laughter, the Best Medicine”) has an editor who’s joke-challenged? She has Andy Simmons, our humor editor for nine years. Andy decides which jokes get into the magazine, and it’s a more daunting task than you’d think.
A Reader’s Digest joke must be funny (obviously) and clean (readers pass their magazines up and down the family tree). Andy does a terrific job. Every issue, our humor pages rank as your favorites. As if he didn’t have enough to do, he also wrote a hoot of a book, Now That’s Funny!
Check out this shot of our art team yukking it up at Andy’s photo shoot. Me? I was back in the office, working on the budget. Some might say, Now that’s funny.
—Liz, @LizVacc, [email protected]
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.