Marriage Maxims

Our matrimonial collection reflects on marriage's finest -- and funniest -- features.

Bare Legs and Laundry

Celebrate the ups and downs of marriage with our collection of sassy and sentimental quotes.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield


'Tis more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.
-- H. L. Mencken


The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine


The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.
-- Peter De Vries


He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor


A happy marriage is the world's best bargain.
-- O. A. Battista


I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very expensive.
-- Johnny Carson


There is more to marriage than four bare legs under a blanket.
-- Robertson Davies


The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
-- Honoré de Balzac


It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway.
-- Norman Mailer


What do I know about sex? I'm a married man.
-- Tom Clancy


Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state.
-- Kathleen Norris


Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
-- Mickey Rooney


Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.
-- Burt Reynolds


The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible.
-- Carolyn Heilbrun


Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.
-- Barbara De Angelis


A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
-- Mignon McLaughlin


"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
-- George Carlin

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“ Dress for winter temps with layers. Avoid cotton, which gets wet and stays wet. Top your first layer with a fleece top and then a windproof jacket. ”

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