I’m Voting for Rutherford B. Hayes!

By Andy Simmons
Jack Fellure of the Prohibition Party. Should he win, don't expect him to buy the first round of drinks.

As some of you may know, there’s a presidential election coming up. But what if neither Barack Obama or Mitt Romney float your boat? Not to worry, Mother Jones shows that there are plenty of other presidential fish in the candidate pool. Do you miss the Free Soil party, you know, the one that nominated Martin Van Buren in 1848? Then Douglas Van Raam is your man. He’s resurrected the party that had an anti-slavery platform. Maybe you’re a big fan of Rutherford B. Hayes. You’re in luck—he’s running! Or a least his namesake, a former beauty pageant executive. There’s a guy running on the prohibition line. I wonder what he thinks about another candidate who advocates drinking hydrogen peroxide to cure illnesses. There’s a reformed drug dealer, even a man who is suing Facebook for stealing his idea for … well, Facebook. And that’s just the beginning. In other words, if you’re flipping a coin to see who to vote for, don’t worry. You have clear choices other than None-of-the-above.