10 Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman

Many have had negative comments regarding the author’s insights.  Well, perhaps pregnant women are super sensitive, particularly that last month when you have to rely on your 4 yo to tie your laces and even waddling around is uncomfortable — and the inane comments of friends, family and strangers will make you crazy!  “You must be having a boy — a girl would never make your butt so FAT!” (gee thanks.)   “Boy or girl?”  (are there any other options?) “When are you going to have that baby? (when it decides to come out.) “Wow, you look exhausted/terrible!” (thanks a LOT.)   “What!  Are you still here?” (No, you are having a hallucination.)  Face it, when it comes to pregnant women, everyone thinks they are being witty making incredibly stupid — and sometimes hurtful — comments.   The only comment anyone should make to a pregnant woman is how beautiful she is — and mean it.

All you have to do is, grab a diaper bag, etc, nd take the baby wherever you go. It’s your child, enjoy while they’re little. They grow up too darn fast.

You are going to love them both the same, you’re young, you can have more

I ALWAYS SAY YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, AS THE LADY IN  QUESTION TO ME ALWAYS SEEM TO GLOW WHEN PREGNANT AND GENERALLY APPEAR SIRENELY FULFILLED.

This person sure is sensitive!  Give it a rest–people say platitudes to other people every day, not just to women who are pregnant with twins.  They are just making small talk–some of it may be not well thought out, but they are just trying to show interest.  Cut people some slack!!

I think the title should be, “What not to say to a woman expecting twins,” instead. She left off some comments that I think are more inconsiderate than, “Do twins run in your family?” Let’s not forget the wonderful, “You haven’t had that baby yet?” <<To that I'd say, "Why, yes, I have had the baby. I'm just still this big." *rolls eyes*  To me, that question is much more inconsiderate that the majority of the ones on here. I do dislike the "breast or bottle" stuff. It's no one's business but yours and your doctor's as to how your baby is being fed…as long as he/she is being fed.  I also never understood strangers' need to touch my stomach when I'm pregnant. That's just weird.  I don't really get upset when people make comments, I just don't understand the reason for some of them.  That being said, I do think it's funny how people are so quick to help you when you're pregnant(which is great), but once the baby comes, the help stops…even though you're balancing a baby in a carseat, diaper bag, and your groceries. My "baby" is 10 now…so, thankfully, I don't have to think about that stuff anymore. :)

The only one that really surprised me was the “Do twins run in your family?” as I’ve always thought that was a pretty legitimate question.  It goes hand in hand with family history, people are usually like, “Yeah, twins run in the family, but they skip a generation” or “No, this was actually a complete surprise, first time we’ve had twins in the family.”  I never really thought people attached it to in vitro fertilization or anything of that nature. 

It is amazing what people say to a pregnant woman (speaking from experience from some years back). I absolutely agree with the author. In fact, I think she was way too kind, and I am pretty sure people don’t experience me as “prickly”.

good one , Its nice highlighting these issues, though we do not intend to hurt, since we need to say something we just blutter out something without realising how it hurts her

holy moly! what is wrong with people letting her publish this, anyone who says anything about twins is jealous, and just want to be involved, see/hold the tiny babies,  number ten better be funny, really or i’m writing a letter

KaFra – Wow, this gal is a little “testy”.  I agree that it is rude to make comments such as “oh my, you are huge”, but there is no problem with some of these comments, such as “Do twins run in your family?”  People are just taking notice of you and making conversation.  (One thing a person should never ask a woman is “are you pregnant?” because she may not be.)  Wait until the babies arrive and everyone starts with the advice,  saying “don’t pick them up every time they cry”, “I wouldn’t take them out to the mall, etc., they will get sick”, “I think he’s hungry, has an earache”,  “sounds like he has colic”——-you should do this, you should do that, etc. etc.   Honey, better thicken your skin and get ready to enjoy those babies, which are blessings from God.  

My grandmother had three sets of twins but only one set servived. I was hoping for twins all three pregnancies but…..
Hey…she could have been pregnant with EIGHT. Another Octagon Mom. I always enjoyed comments about

A great response to the moron who drops the last statement on you would be a sad shake of the head and “You poor thing.” Perhaps that would be a good response to any one of the idiotic statements listed. As for waitstaff: tip one penny. That tells them you didn’t simply forget the tip, but there was something definately unappreciated about the service. Strangers have no business comenting about anything to another stranger any more than they have the right to punch someone in the nose. As for the pedicurist: it’s time to take your business elsewhere, and be sure the sweet little girl knows why. When your income depends on your clientel, you should have the good sense not to alienate them.

Now back to this question…. WRONG! In fact you couldn’t be MORE WRONG if you tried. There is SCIENCE that PROVES breastfeeding is the BEST FOR THE BABY. So GET OVER IT!.

P effin S I’m a Mom of a 2 1/2 year old girl who was breastfed over a year :) so don’t come at me like I’m one of those childless well rested idiots lol

Some of the ten comments were dumb, but most were well-meaning, and based on experience.  I guess for the author the glass isn’t just half empty, it’s all gone and who has been drinking out of my glass!  She manages to put a negative spin on everything people say.

let’s just not talk to a pregnant woman at all!!!!!!!Sheesh…………….

let’s just not talk to a pregnant woman at all!!!!!!!Sheesh…………….

When it is true, kind, and necessary, smile and say it.  Otherwise, smile.

Boy is she ever touchy!!  Must be her hormones….

Oh my goodness there are different ways to take each of her statements, if she were my friend I’d probably not be speaking to her after her pregnancy.  I would think most people are curious as to which side of the family twins run in!  Dad’s are identical and Mom’s are fraternal.  She has a right to her opinion but I wrote down her name and choose to read nothing else written by her – that is my fact!
 

I kind of have a problem with the whole “What not to say to a pregnant woman” title, because I think the general rule should be, “If it’s not polite to say to somebody who’s not pregnant, it’s probably not polite to say to someone who is.” In general conversation, it’s not polite to comment or ask about someone’s (we’re talking about strangers or mere acquaintances here, not good friends) weight, appetite, diet, frequent trips to the bathroom, sex life, sleeping habits, etc.; therefore, you shouldn’t be talking to anybody about them – pregnant or not. While it’s nice to be treated like you’re a little special sometimes, I think most pregnant ladies just wanted to be treated like a normal person, because -well, they are still normal people.

I have been the pregnant lady hearing the above comments and I’ve been the stranger making the above comments. People are human and sometimes we say things that get taken the wrong way.  Bottom line is you will have two beautiful children who are truly a gift from God.  Having a family is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I’m sorry.  When people told me all of that stuff, and believe me, they did, I didn’t get offended.  If you are pregnant, after you have your babies and things quiet down some and the hormones aren’t so bad, please reflect on what you wrote in this article.  You are quite sensitive and wear your feelings on your sleeve.  Don’t be so quick to be offended.  People aren’t thinking all of that.  When they say that you look like you’re ready to burst, they are thinking, “You poor thing.  You look like you feel miserable and it’s a good thing you’re toward the end of your pregnancy.  You look like you are ready for it to be over.”  So get over yourself and quit acting like everyone is out to hurt your feelings.

I’m sorry.  When people told me all of that stuff, and believe me, they did, I didn’t get offended.  If you are pregnant, after you have your babies and things quiet down some and the hormones aren’t so bad, please reflect on what you wrote in this article.  You are quite sensitive and wear your feelings on your sleeve.  Don’t be so quick to be offended.  People aren’t thinking all of that.  When they say that you look like you’re ready to burst, they are thinking, “You poor thing.  You look like you feel miserable and it’s a good thing you’re toward the end of your pregnancy.  You look like you are ready for it to be over.”  So get over yourself and quit acting like everyone is out to hurt your feelings.

It would be great to have any one of these things said to me!  That would mean I was pregnant.  I agree, she sure is prickly and/or trying to get money for her pissiness.

Sounds paranoid to me!!  Most comments made are in gest and for humor.  She makes it sound like people are consciously rude and demeaning.  I think this author needs a “sense of humor” pill.

most people mean no harm relax

most people mean no harm relax

I can’t help but disagree with almost every “thing’s not to say to a pregnant woman”.  She seems to be super sensitive.  Most of her “translations” are off base.  I don’t believe most people are trying to be downer’s, they are just making comments from experience.  Yes, with twins she is going to have her hands full.  But that doesn’t make having twins any less fun and exciting and double the love.  She needs to lighten up.  Laugh off the dumb remarks, and make an off the wall comment back.   She will be tired with twins, but she would also be tired with one baby, or a baby and a toddler – that’s life.  There will be many more up times than downer’s.

Sounds as if Jennifer hit a nerve with many of you. 
Maybe you should just enjoy the HUMOR of her writing.   The “Ten Things …” are only examples of “many” offensive things people say, “without THINKING” (open mouth, insert foot).I’m so very disappointed that some of your comments included expletives. There really is no need for that in either conversation or writing. If you can’t make your point without using expletives, maybe you should take remedial English (How to speak and write correctly!)

myself i think your being to touchy

Thank you very much. As the mother to two twin girls I remember getting these comments and wanting to scream. People sometimes just open their mouth and don’t think about how what they say affects anyone else. Wait until you have the twins, then you get really stupid questions. The dumbest one I ever had was ” Were they born the same day?” And the breastfeeding questions are just creepy, why does a complete stranger need to know about my breasts? Just enjoy your boys and just ignore everything else. Congratulations!

Life does not end when you have a child.  It just begins.  But – I’m still glad mine are raised and out of the house.

Well then, what should they say?  What would YOU like to hear?

There are many, many, many, many other things not to say to a pregnant woman… Out of kindness, I won’t say them.

The author seems to have a very negative attitude toward comments, which when I say them, are only an observation, or simply a truth.  When it is a first child, if it is twins, of course it would be great if there were one of each!  My brother, the only son of my father, already had 3 girls.  Many of us wish the twins had been boys & not girls…he won’t be having any more kids, & the bloodline with my father’s name will end there.  Not that his kids, grandkids, greats will not live on in him, but our name will not.  However, it does not mean that any one thinks what ever the sexes they are not wonderful little people. 
No. 1…no, people should not say it, but I know w/one how I looked, it’s just a stupid comment, get over it. 
#2   You are going to have your hands full!  As you point out, w/the good as well.  When I say that, it is just a statement of fact.  My 2 youngest grandchildren were close enough in age it was like having twins & there were times you felt like the only thing you were doing was changing diapers.  But all the fun & laughter, you will have your hands full! 
#3  You are going to be grateful when they sleep through the night.  No, people do not mean you are never going to slep again…but until they are teens, you are NOT going to sleep in, you ARE going to have many disrupted nights!  I think it bothers you, period.  Some people just do not like a truth being said.  
#4 Your life is going to change.   Not bar hopping every night?  Try rarely if ever, lol!  If you do it a few times a month, sorry, you are not a good parent.  Period.  Did not bother me, bars are highly over-rated.  Either you look forward to spending every moment you have besides work with your child(ren) or you would rather have stayed childless. 
 #5  As I told my girlfriend’s 22 year old who is expecting this November, breast feeding is BEST.  But if you know you do not want to, it is not like the baby will not get what they need to thrive.  Today, it is most certainly a personal choice.  If a mother would breast feed for @ least a couple months, there is still 2 things that will benefit mother & child–the baby gets protection from immunities a mother has spent a lifetime building up.  The mother gets the benefit of the nursing action helping pull her abdomen back into shape.  Breast feeding is VERY beneficial.  But it benefits no one if the mother is not willing.  We actually kind of agree on this, but it is a hot button issue because some women do not seem to seriously considerate it.  We do not have boobs for any other reason than that is best for our child(ren). 
#6  People are ignorant.   When people make observations like you talk ahout here, it not even worth the person’s attention. 
 #7 Oh, please!  Maybe you are eating like a pig…I have for most of my life.  Yet, I had trouble keeping weight on.  Take it like I always did, a simple observation, & if you are not 300 lbs, who cares?  LOL!  
#8  All ready addressed that!  
#9  You are way to sensitive.  My youngest 2 sisters are twins, they “came out of nowhere” so to speak because twins did NOT run on either side.  I completely disagree with you on this, I know I do not necessarily think someone did NOT conceive them naturally.  I, personally am just curious.  Twins are interesting.  It does tend to follow patterns.  Does it matter they were conceived naturally?  No.  If a person wants a child that desperately & are mature enough to be a good parent, NO.  However, an “Octo” Mom, YES, that is wrong. 
#10  No, dear, it does not mean you are totally screwed.  It largely depends on what support/help you have.  This & #4 are directly linked.  It is tough when they are a little, tiny baby.  What is toughest is to enjoy (even though you are exhausted) every precious moment.  Because although it can be overwhelming, it can also be the best experience of your life. 
I really hope you can start to recognize your over sensitivities & not instill them in your kids.  But do NOT worry, we all do something to screw our kids up, lol!  Just the human condition.  Good luck, you need it. 

This must be her first pregnancy.  If so, she is oblivious to what it is really going to be like having babies.  Of COURSE they are a blessing.  Of COURSE they will bring you the absolute most joy.  Of COURSE it will be fun, but “Get some sleep now” cuz you’re going to need it in the next few months.  I think people tell “first timers” that because most of them picture this perfect world—with a baby on a dynamic feeding/sleeping schedule, no colic/tummy aches, no diaper rashes, having time to take leisurely tub soaks, plenty of time to work out…….heck, we’d all have 6 kids if we had that much extra time on our hands and everything was that wonderful.  There is nothing like holding a new born baby and watching it grow into adult hood.  But, again I say, “Get some sleep now”……….lol 

I also had fraternal twin boys (now 11 ) and got most of the same comments (although not until they were born, we did not know their gender before). “Too bad it wasn’t a boy and a girl, that would have been perfect!” I had two healthy babies what could be any more perfect than that? I did not find having two newborns that difficult. The first weeks were very tiring, but it is sooooo worth it. Good luck, before you know it your boys will be in Middle School (like mine!)

i was 39 weeks pregnant and in a fast food restraunt having lunch when smart alec young adults
made comment about me being fat hellow . someone tell them about the facts of life pregnancy= fat

i was 39 weeks pregnant and in a fast food restraunt having lunch when smart alec young adults
made comment about me being fat hellow . someone tell them about the facts of life pregnancy= fat

My daughter-in-law Krisi is expecting identical twins…how exciting… and my a grandma… of two at the same time!

i thought she just gave you a lesson @cec9111b4f2a7a5b2aef6ed94c4f1920:disqus and still you didn’t get her message. you’re naive! ewww!!!

Okay, #5 and #9 are just unreasonable. My reason for saying #5 is unreasonable is the same as Szir’s:

“‘The truth is, the way a mother chooses to feed her child is a very
personal decision, and only she knows what is best for her and her
baby.’
What the F***? I thought science, and doctors know best.
Isn’t that why you go to gynecologist? You do go, right? How many
children did you have? What is the extent of your experience? Yeah, you
must know better than professionals who studied this for years…
It’s NOT about you! It’s about the health of your baby!”

#9 is unreasonable because the translation is bullshit. Neither I, nor anyone I have ever known who has asked this question was even thinking about fertility treatments. (Before reading this I never even had any notion that someone might use this question in such a way. Does the writer have evidence for this, or is she just paranoid?) They were genuinely curious as to whether twins run in the family or not. If they don’t, then wow, it’s cool you had twins. If they do, then well, I guess that explains why you had twins, and why your [insert female relative here] also had twins! Sometimes it really is that simple. Sometimes there is no hidden meaning.

To the ladies bashing the author get a freaking grip! U probably these nosy women obessessed with childbearing that give unwanted advice to every pregnant women u walk pass. I dont see anything wrong with her article and all of you should get a freaking grip! Talking about hormones I’d slap you if your were right next to me….” I feel sorry for her husband” F8ck off!

I have had it with new mothers and pregnant women, for example, “especially if you are childless and well rested”. I am a young childless woman and have a fulfilling life with a loving partner. I work very hard, and like all people have had my own challenges. I also know what it means to be tired.

Why is it then that a large number of pregnant women and mothers are so opinionated, narrow minded and rude. This group of people talk amongst each other, in your company and to your face as if you do not know what tired is, until you’ve had a baby, do not know how to multi-task until you’ve had a baby, do not know how to function as a responsible adult until you have had a baby. 

One I hear that really annoys me is young women saying,..”how can she possibly do that job, do this, know that etc, if she has not had a baby”.  Humans have something called an intellect, it allows us to empathise with people and have understanding without the need to have experienced the particular event or situation.

The only thing you don’t need your intellect for is to have a baby,..that process isn’t that tough,..and social services will soon tell you that a lot of the members of this exclusive job are actually quite crap at it.

Someone else has already pointed out the irony of this article.  I agree.  This group of people are a deluded lot.

I disagree. I don’t think breastfeeding is a personal choice, I think it’s a parental responsibility. But hey, if you want a child with an underdeveloped brain, no one can stop you. At least that way you won’t have to worry about forking out the cash for good schools, as there wouldn’t be any point anyway.

This article made me laugh so hard because it’s so true. People don’t realize what they’re saying sometimes!!!

In various medicine, the numbers of true information are not primarily based mostly on finish results, in contrast to the conference limitation and it is usually primarily based mostly on the eccentric method.  Truly, it is rather distinctive to listen to a naturopath or a physician training different remedy utilizing the phrase “impossible”.

being pregnant time is the interval human physique undergoes many outstanding adjustments like weight gain, pores and skin adjustments, the expansion of the uterus ten occasions than its regular size, and the adjustments within the breast.

I was taken by surprise how sensitive she sounded. Sure you are going to find people saying things that might be insensitive,but sounds like she dont want to hear the reality. Mother of 4 , i do have plenty of experience on comments but i sure didnt take it so personal….
To all pregnant women just make best ,ignore the ignorant comments but know the reality.
Yes , you might not sleep like you use to.That is all part of it.!

Okay, people don’t mean some of that stuff, okay? Don’t overreact, they don’t know everything, can’t read your mind. Some, sure, were a bit rude, like the bursting one and all, but seriously, that’s too sensitive, people!

Wow! Unless you’ve been pregnant people you have no idea. So men really shouldn’t comment on this. You cant understand unless you lived it. It’s hard enough…extreme back pain, hip pain, your skin getting permanently damaged, your bodies muscles stretched beyond belief, hormones that pump through you so bad you can’t control your emotions, people constantly judging you, rashes, veins popping, massive amounts of nutrition being taken away from your body, exhaustion, sleepless nights, swelling feet, lowered immune system, no pain relievers in sight. You can’t drink, stay out late, do extreme exercise, and a lot of activities are off your list. As a woman you need to feel loved and when everyone is bombarding you…you get overwhelmed and on top of it the motherly nesting and protectiveness kicks in. It seem to the mother it’s her and baby against the world. No waitress should make rude comments ever….it’s bad customer service and extremely unprofessional.

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Thank you for bringing up the breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. While I was pregnant this was constantly bombarded on me & it made me feel like crap cause I didn’t want to breast feed. I ended trying it and shockingly I didn’t like it and my son had trouble doing it. Now he is given a bottle and wow my son is happy and healthy. Besides my son is not even 4 months old can down close to 40oz of formula in one day plus eat a couple packages of baby food thus I definitely wouldn’t have been able to breast feed him for long anyway. So for all the expecting mothers out there…. do what you feel is best for you and your baby. Breastfeeding is great but it just isn’t for everyone.

“The truth is, the way a mother chooses to feed her child is a very personal decision, and only she knows what is best for her and her baby.”
Huumm .. no.
While it IS totally a personal choice to breastfeed or not, don’t give me the “a mother knows” crap. Only she can decide how she feeds the baby, but it’s just pure BS that only she knows what is best for her baby, because breastfeeding IS the best, regardless of the mother’s opinion.

Wow, hormones must be raging! Sucks to be her!