13 Things You Didn’t Know About Mustaches

Whether you have one, want one, or wish they'd all disappear, the mo is making a comeback! We uncovered a few of its hairy little secrets from an expert.

By Allan Peterkin from "One Thousand Mustaches: A Cultural History of the Mo"
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    You Can Call Them Almost Anything

    There are numerous slang terms for the moustache. Most reflect its tendency to retain food and drink or its association with sex:

    -Bristle batons
    -Bro-stache
    -Cookie duster
    -Crumb catcher
    -Face-lace
    -Grass grin
    -Lip shadow
    -Manometer
    -Mouthbrow
    -Moz
    -Mr. Tickles
    -Tea strainer
    -Upper lipholstery
    -Whiskers
    -Wing

    They're Pratically Magnetic

    The average man with a mo touches it 760 times a day.

    The Bigger the 'Stache, the Higher the Pay

    Policemen in large Indian cities are sometimes paid a bonus if they grow a mo, considered a symbol of virility and power.

    Even You Can Grow the Fu Manchu

    Average human hair grows at a rate of 0.014 inches a day, or about 5 or 6 inches a year.

    Some 'Staches Are Simply More Likeable Than Others

    Burt Reynolds’s iconic moustache has nearly 4,000 Facebook fans.

    They're Seasonal

    Mustache hair grows faster than any other body hair. It sprouts more in spring and summer than in autumn and winter.

    They Might Be Hiding Something

    In 1967, the Beatles wore moustaches on the cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and enclosed cardboard versions within. Paul McCartney explained his Sgt. Pepper ’stache as a pragmatic response to a tumble from a moped in 1966: It hid his swollen lip.

    They Could Make You A Better Suitor

    In a 2008 poll from the British newspaper The Guardian, 61 percent of respondents found the moustache to be gentlemanly and sophisticated, while 39 percent believed it was worn only by fools and fiends.

    They Mop Up Well

    A mustache is capable of absorbing 20 percent of its own weight in liquid.

    'Stache Wearers Take Themselves Very Seriously

    Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is remembered as “one of the most influential moustached Americans in history” by the American Mustache Institute.

    Mo Facial Hair Means Mo Free Time

    Ninety percent of men shave once a day. Shaving uses up a total of five months of a man’s life if he starts at the age of 14.

    They're All Monkey Business

    The average human male has about five million follicles—roughly three times as many as the gorilla, but still less than the chimpanzee.

    They're a Money-Making Machine

    Razors and blades are a $1.1 billion industry.

    However, keeping your mo long could help your image and trade. Spanish artist Salvador Dali loved his super 'stache, claiming that "like two erect sentries, my moustache defends the entrance to my real self."

    © 2012 by Allan Peterkin. "One Thousand Mustaches: A Cultural History of the Mo" is published by Arsenal Pulp Press. www.arsenalpulp.com

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    Your Comments

    • Pam

      Personally I prefer men with facial hair as long as they keep it clean. I also like to lay my head on a guys shoulder and play with his hairy chest . But I draw the line at uni brows or hair backs .

    • julia41

      Kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt.

    • Anonymous

      You know you’ve got a bad moustache when the doctor uses a vaginal speculum to examine your sore throat.

    • Anonymous

      Free Moustache Rides.

    • http://www.befreebies.com/ BeFreebies.com

      Symbol of virility and power? (slide 3) To whom?? As a female, I have to say a mustache is a huge turnoff no matter how well groomed it is kept.  Sorry guys.  

      • mrbeardnstache

        Women who don’t like guys the way they are naturally are a huge turnoff!!!  I hope you enjoy your emasculated men!

      • mrbeardnstache

        Women who don’t like guys the way they are naturally are a huge turnoff!!!  I hope you enjoy your emasculated men!

        • http://www.befreebies.com/ BeFreebies.com

          Then I sure hope you like your women with hairy legs, armpits, and the occasional mustache and unibrow.  To say well groomed men are “emasculated” men and that mustaches and/or beards are symbolic of virility and power, would be the equivalent of saying hairy women are more feminine because they are in their natural state.  Powerful and virile men the world over seem to be making the grooming decision to shave.  Unless they are being forced to do this by their mommies, I find nothing emasculating about their decisions. 

    • SillySilvia

      Silvia hates them ‘cuz she can’t grow one.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Silvia-Squirre/100001367282439 Silvia Squirre

      They forgot vagina mouth.

      • SillySilvia

        Silly Silvia sold seashells down by the seashore . . .