13+ Things Your Pizza Guy Won’t Tell You

Love pizza? Get smarter about service with our list of things pizza delivery people wish you knew before dialing in your order.

By Maureen Mackey
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    1. It's a pizza, not a lifetime commitment.

    My other line is ringing, so choose the toppings before you call.

    2. We know when kids are prank-calling us.

    They can’t mask their voices very well. The smart ones block the phone number. The dumb ones don’t.

    3. Accidents happen.

    If I drop your pizza on the way, sometimes I’ll shake the box to get the cheese to slide back on right.

    4. Patience, please!

    It takes about 20 minutes to go from raw dough to fully baked pizza. And then I have to drive to your house.

    5. Why won't we deliver to some neighborhoods?

    In some neighborhoods, a kid getting out of a car with a pizza in his hands is like screaming, “Rob me! I have cash!”

    6. I'm a human being.

    When you see me drenched and shivering in the rain, it’s not nice to close the door in my face while you search for some quarters in the sofa cushions.

    7. Use your manners.

    When you open the door, please hang up your cell phone or put it down. It’s basic etiquette.

    8. Before you open the door,

    I’d prefer that you have a shirt on (and definitely some pants).

    9. Tips should be 10 to 15 percent of your order.

    If you order a lot of pizza—say, hundreds of dollars’ worth, for a party or something—but give me a $1 tip, well, I’m going to have a problem with that.

    10. The more gated the community, the more guarded the wallet.

    The best tips actually come from middle- and lower-class people who know what we go through.

    11. I remember every customer who doesn't tip.

    I won’t do anything to jeopardize my job, but shaking the soda on the next delivery would not be out of the question.

    12. I can't wait forever.

    I’ll knock on your door three times and call you on the phone twice. If you don’t answer, don’t call later to complain that you didn’t get your food.

    13. Some people want more than just pizza.

    A guy once ordered pizza from me just so he’d have some help moving his sofa up a flight of stairs. I agreed to help him. He gave me a few extra bucks. I took it.

    14. Telling me your address is just the first step.

    Making sure the number is on your house or mailbox is kind of important too.

    15. I can't afford to be choosy.

    We have some fantastic customers and some who are just terrible. But I’ll deliver to them all—this is what I do.

    16. I'm just a kid.

    Many delivery drivers are teenage boys, and most parents don’t like their teenage boys driving around at night in downpours or blizzards. Yet these same people have no qualms about having other teenage kids deliver their pizza in these conditions.

    17. There are always special customers.

    Like the little old lady who wants to pay her bill with a $5 check. I’ll take it because none of us want to be mean to a grandmother. But if she hasn’t ordered from us before, I won’t take it.

    18. Keep it short and sweet.

    We act like we really want to have a conversation with you at your door, but we don’t, unless we know you. Basically, we just want to get the delivery over with. I will try to be as nice to you as possible, but if you complain that I’m late, or if you have a problem with your order, I won’t be so nice.

    19.The majority of our employees work 12-14 hours a day.

    At the end of the day, we just want to go home. So please don’t call for a delivery at closing time and then complain that we can’t accommodate you.

    20. At our shop, we use our own cars to deliver pizza.

    Last week one of our guys smashed his car into a pole on an icy road. Now he’s using a rental car.

    21. I'm one of the easiest people to get along with.

    But if you’re rude to me, I have no problem going toe-to-toe with you.

    22. I can't wait much longer than a few minutes.

    Don’t jump in the shower right after you order pizza and then not the answer the door.

    23. If you live across the street, please don’t call for a delivery.

    Get off your rear end and pick up the pizza yourself.

    24. I'm over pizza.

    After I leave this job, I’m sure I won’t be able to eat pizza for at least a year.

    25. Time is money.

    The majority of customers who stand there chatting about the weather are just trying to make up for not giving us tips.

    26. You ordered the pizza.

    You know how much it costs. Please have your money (and tip) ready when you answer the door.

    27. I don't have the authority to give you a discount.

    Really, I don't. I'm just the delivery guy. 

    Sources: Anonymous pizza delivery people in New York, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania.


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    Your Comments

    • Steve T

      If you screw with them, you’re an idiot. They have your food in their possession on the way to your house. And they remember you from last time you were rude, didn”t tip, or complained to the restaurant and got someone in trouble. We had some racist non tippers, in the city I delivered in. “I heard” you got yours on the next delivery. Fingers stuck up in where the sun don’t shine then dipped nicely into your fried rice. Got the runs after eating delivered food? You most likely ingested vi- seen. I seldom order food now and tip well when I do…lol. You’d better too!

    • Citlali

      Americans and tipping…it really is truly bizarre.

    • Really?

      When I worked at dominos it always cracked me up whenever a customer said they didn’t have enough money for a tip. Not that it’s any of my business, but if you can’t even afford a tip, you probably shouldn’t be ordering a pizza in the first place.

    • M

      Also, whenever someone asked what time we closed, we usually told them 10:30 even though we closed @ 11 because we knew that if we told everyone we closed @ 11, we would get like 200 orders at 10:50.

    • M

      Please do not have an order delivered to your house or apartment if it smells like you use everything as a toilet. When I worked at dominos, we once had a customer whose apartment smelled like that. Apparently it was bad that the delivery person got sick in the bush outside.

      • M

        We also had a guy who would order and answer the door without a shirt or pants and it freaked the driver out. Needless to say, those people were not allowed to order from us again.

    • John

      i love my Papa Johns pizza and i order it usually about twice a month. The store is about 6-7 miles away. I have no problem tipping $6.00 on my 2 pie orders. I get to eat delicious pizza delivered straight to my door and the driver gets a good tip. Everyone wins! :)

    • MN guest

      I delivered pizza in college. The driver is using their own vehicle and gas. Some places use the added charge to pay for the gas in the evening however its usually not enough considering gas prices. The place I worked was family owned. The “delivery charge” was $ 2.89. The driver only gets .89 of that. Consider (weather, holidays, time of night, hot food, distance to pizza place, gas, service and convenience into a tip.)

    • guest

      Best way to make sure your order’s accurate- ordering online. A lot of pizza places have phones that are 30+ years old. They’ve been dropped, thrown, beaten, and had all kinds of crap done to them plus the fact that they’re so old not mention any noise that may be going on around the person taking your order , so sometimes it’s hard to hear what you’re saying. This is also effective if you want to pay with a credit or debit card. If your worried about someone having access to your card information, the website is very secure.

      • Mkr

        Also if you’re worried about someone having access to your credit information, you don’t need to be. Most pizza places that offer online ordering won’t save it, so even if someone were to hack into the system, they won’t have access to your card information, even if they’re an employee.