Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good laugh
"OK. You see me when I'm sleeping. You know when I'm awake ... but no way you follow me on Twitter, right?"
"Of course, when I first started here, the North Pole looked very different."
"So they bring a tree in the house and put all these shiny, dangly things on it, then freak out if I go near it ... This is why I drink."
"Mom, how many cups of Xanax do you use in your Christmas cookies?"
"You ask an awful lot for a kid who leaves out day-old macaroons and 2 percent milk."
"No, it's really a cell tower."
"We do have good health care coverage, but then, we never get old and we never get sick."
Keep the laughs coming every week!
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