Comedians in Chief? Funny Presidential Quotes
Obama jokes about his dubious birth certificate, Lincoln ribs some lawyers, and George W. Bush defends his, er, intelligence.
By Andy Simmons
During a state visit to Great Britain, President Ronald Reagan purportedly went horseback riding with Queen Elizabeth...
At one point, one of the horses passed gas quite loudly. The queen apologized, saying, “There are some things even royalty can’t control.” Reagan replied, “I’m glad you told me, or I would have thought it was the horse.”
Reagan wasn’t our only funny president. Here are some other gags from the occupants of the “Wit House.”
Photo: Getty Images
Love in the Time of Birthers
“There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.”
—President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents’ Dinner
Photo: Getty Images
Defending Dubya
“These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule—first thing every morning—it said Intelligence Briefing.”
—George W. Bush, at the 2001 Gridiron Club dinner
Photo: 2008 Getty Images
Inmate in Chief?
“I don’t know whether it’s the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system.”
—Bill Clinton, on the White House
WWLBJD?
“If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: President Can’t Swim.”
—Lyndon Johnson
Photo: Getty Images
Honestly, Abe?
“He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met.”
—Abraham Lincoln, coining one of the first lawyer jokes in American history
Photo: Getty Images
His Old Ball and Chain
One day, First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt visited a penitentiary. When FDR asked where she was, he was told, “She’s in prison.”
“I’m not surprised,” Roosevelt responded. “But what for?”
Photo: Getty Images
Pleading the Fifth
“When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.’”
—Teddy Roosevelt
Photo: Getty Images
Jack Attack
“It was absolutely involuntary. They sank my boat.”
—John Kennedy, answering a boy who asked how he became a war hero
Photo: Getty Images
Habitat for Handshakery
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
—Jimmy Carter
Photo: Getty Images
Old Hickery (sic)
“It’s a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.”
—Andrew Jackson
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