Oh, Cute! When Kittens Play Competitive Football

Move over, Super Bowl: Fierce little fuzzballs are ready to take the field in the first Kitten Bowl.

By Emma Span from SportsonEarth.com
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    Emma Span via SportsOnEarth.com

    "I predict the fur is going to fly."

    John Sterling, famed Yankees sportscaster, was recently in a midtown studio to record his lines for the Kitten Bowl, the Hallmark Channel's new counterprogramming to the Super Bowl (and to Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl, which features a Kitty Halftime Show). "This is a very unusual day," Sterling says before his second day of taping begins. "I've never done anything like this before, and I've done everything." Across the large room, 20-plus kittens frolic, play-fight, nap, rest and occasionally fall asleep in the litter box on the field of Kitten Stadium, a miniaturized football arena designed just for them. The three-hour show will be edited out of many hours of footage from a three-day shoot. 

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    Courtesy of the Hallmark Channel

    The playoffs

    The Kitten Bowl is really more of a Kitten Playoffs. There are four kitten football teams, who by the time editing is complete will have "played," sort of, two qualifying games and then a championship, for a kibble-filled trophy. Every few minutes they'll lose a player when he or she climbs the goalposts, leaps into the upper deck and walks on the crowd, requiring gentle retrieval by one of the shelter volunteers.

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    Emma Span via SportsOnEarth.com

    The rules

    Each of the teams has a similar scouting report: great speed and agility; an aggressive, physical style of play; an almost total lack of discipline; prone to silly penalties and to attacking the ref because he wears a dangling, shiny whistle; no passing game to speak of. Occasionally a referee comes to pet them and also call them for delay of game or "unkittenlike conduct."

    Courtesy of the Hallmark Channel

    The puns!

    In addition to being essentially heaven for cat lovers, the Kitten Bowl is also a bounty for pun enthusiasts. This makes it something of a perfect match for John Sterling, the Yankees sportscaster, who's famous for his personalized wordplay-based home run calls. Sterling plans on using phrases like "'You're cat-atonic,' or 'It's a cat-astrophe!' Like that. Almost everything is a play on words," he says. Kitten Bowl names (or more accurately, screen names), in addition to Terry Bradclaw, include Feline Manning, Lane Kitten, Feral Owens, Drew Breeds, Tomcat Brady, Mike Kitka, Tabby Romo and Troy Paw-lamalu.

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    Emma Span via SportsOnEarth.com

    The tail-gating

    "Isn't that field unbelievable they put together?" Sterling asks. "And another thing I love is, just like in stadiums where they use every available inch for advertising—it is a business—what they've done, to make the stadium look like a stadium, is they've put up little promos." Information about the cost of premium field-level seats at Kitten Stadium was not available, but attendance seemed strong, at least going by the kitten tailgate in full swing in another corner of the studio, with tiny cardboard cars and toy barbeques.

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    Courtesy of the Hallmark Channel

    The score

    There are 70 kittens on set; all are adoptable strays from the North Shore Animal League. If one of them drags a toy football into an end zone, that's a touchdown, though good luck explaining that to the participants—never mind the idea of extra points via getting a toy through the uprights. (Extra points can also be awarded for "cuteness," which seems a far more promising strategy for these teams. "It's very biased," admitted one crew member.)

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    Courtesy of the Hallmark Channel

    The cause

    The project is for a good cause, as well as good ratings. It's part of Hallmark's Pet Project, which supports humane treatment of animals and pet adoption. If there's one thing that seems to have taken Sterling aback, it's the interest that his newest announcing job has generated. "I can't believe the attention it's gotten," he says. "I went to my gas station-coffee-newspaper place, and this fellow who I know well, another Yankees fan, he said, 'Oh, you're doing the Kitten Bowl? It's purrrrfect!'"

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