And you thought your relatives were nuts?
"Are you saying my kid's a liar?"
"Whoever guesses the cup the college tuition is under, gets it."
"It's been my biggest fear, Arthur, that you would turn into your mother."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm called to active duty pretty much every day."
"Hey, Mom, how about this one?"
"Wash your hands, eat your peas, go to bed ... There's too much regulation!"
"The last thing she said to me was, 'Would it kill you to apologize?'"
"You ask an awful lot for a kid who leaves out day-old macaroons and 2-percent milk."
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