Funny Christmas Quotes

These witty words will have you laughing all the way through the holiday season.

By Beth Dreher
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Stephen Shugerman/Getty Images

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?

You know, the birth of Santa. —Bart Simpson

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the holiday season,

that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. —Dave Barry 

Gary M. Prior/ALLSPORT

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas

with a note on it saying "toys not included." —Bernard Manning

Dan Callister/Online USA

What I don't like about office Christmas parties

is looking for a job the next day. —Phyllis Diller

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Nothing says holidays

like a cheese log. —Ellen DeGeneres

Hulton Archive/Getty Images

I stopped believing in Santa Clause when I was six.

Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. —Shirley Temple

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