Funny Christmas Quotes

These witty words will have you laughing all the way through the holiday season.

By Beth Dreher
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    Stephen Shugerman/Getty Images

    Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?

    You know, the birth of Santa. —Bart Simpson

    Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

    Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the holiday season,

    that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. —Dave Barry 

    Gary M. Prior/ALLSPORT

    I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas

    with a note on it saying "toys not included." —Bernard Manning

    Dan Callister/Online USA

    What I don't like about office Christmas parties

    is looking for a job the next day. —Phyllis Diller

    Kevin Winter/Getty Images

    Nothing says holidays

    like a cheese log. —Ellen DeGeneres

    Hulton Archive/Getty Images

    I stopped believing in Santa Clause when I was six.

    Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. —Shirley Temple

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