Funny Texts From Parents Gone Bad

Parents master the art of the quick comeback.

from Reader's Digest | March 2012
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    Brothers Stephen and Wayne Miltz, creators of the popular, recently published a book of hundreds of private text messages between parents and children. A selection of our favorites: Mom: Love you, kiddo!

    Me: Aw, thanks. Love you, too!

    Mom: Sorry, wrong person

    Me: Dad, my bank account has ten dollars in it!

    Dad: Oh good, our plan to get you to contact us succeeded

    Me: I was offered a job!

    Dad: Accept it before they realize their mistake.

    Dad: What is IDK?

    Me: I don’t know.

    Dad: Oh, do you know who does?

    Dad: I just changed my password to “incorrect” so the computer just tells me when I forget.

    Me: Lets eat dad

    Dad: “Let’s eat Dad” or “Let’s eat, Dad.” Punctuation saves lives.

    Me: I love you

    Mom: I tolerate you

    Mom: I think I keep getting messages or missed calls or something.

    Me: From who?

    Mom: Some woman called…Betty Low?

    Me: Um, battery low?

    Mom: Yeah, that’s it!

    Me: What time are you picking me up?

    Dad: Who is this?

    Me: Your son.

    Dad: How did you get this number?

    Me: I programmed your phone, remember?

    Dad: How do I delete people?

    Mom: Your father is driving me crazy. When are you coming home?

    Me: I’m out with friends so not till late. Sorry!

    Mom: It’s OK. I put Ambien in his tea. He won’t be annoying me much longer.

    Me: Can I borrow 50 bucks?

    Mom: You don’t call to say hi, you didn’t call on my birthday. All you ever call for is money!

    Me: 40 bucks?

    Mom: OK.

    Me: Hey!

    Dad: Aren’t you supposed to be at school?

    Me: Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

    Dad: Touché …

    Me: Happy 49th, Dad! I love you so much!

    Dad: It’s 48! You ruined my day.

    Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I’m lonely.

    Me: Isn’t Dad there?

    Mom: Yes, but I like you more.


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    Your Comments

    • Adeelashakil9

      Iam complete house wife,you can say exhausted over work house wife.I do laundry,washing dishes and sometime i kick all the work out and open my face book account with wet sleeves hands and open Reader’s digest fun sides.Believe me it changes my mood quickly ,my non co operative sons asks me that why are you laughing before computer screen.I don’t want to spoil my that little happiness by sharing it with them ,you make my day READERS and i know you will be always there for me and i will come to you with wet sleeves always :)

    • Michaellacson

      Punctuation saves lives is funny. A grammar nazi for a dad… that’s an instant classic. 

    • Mikaellaisabella

      The number 7 cracked me up, but it is highly unlikely to happen in real life. Usually, parents will be the one to say “I love you.” and the kids are the ones who just would say they just “tolerate” them. Haha.

    • Dub Manley

      A mother had caught her 5-year son disobeying her.  As she was getting ready to yield punishment with a small paddle she told him to bend over.  Suddenly her son stood up and turned to his Mom and took her hand to shake it and and said, “Mom it sure has been nice knowing you.” (as to indicate it was the and end of his life moment).  She sat down in a nearby chair and laughted so hard she dropped her paddle and no punishment could be yielded!

    • Nhliukang

      The naughty boy