Parents master the art of the quick comeback.
Brothers Stephen and Wayne Miltz, creators of the popular crazythingsparentstext.com, recently published a book of hundreds of private text messages between parents and children. A selection of our favorites:
Mom: Love you, kiddo!
Me: Aw, thanks. Love you, too!
Mom: Sorry, wrong person
Me: Dad, my bank account has ten dollars in it!
Dad: Oh good, our plan to get you to contact us succeeded
Me: I was offered a job!
Dad: Accept it before they realize their mistake.
Dad: What is IDK?
Me: I don’t know.
Dad: Oh, do you know who does?
Dad: I just changed my password to “incorrect” so the computer just tells me when I forget.
Me: Lets eat dad
Dad: “Let’s eat Dad” or “Let’s eat, Dad.” Punctuation saves lives.
Me: I love you
Mom: I tolerate you
Mom: I think I keep getting messages or missed calls or something.
Me: From who?
Mom: Some woman called…Betty Low?
Me: Um, battery low?
Mom: Yeah, that’s it!
Me: What time are you picking me up?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son.
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone, remember?
Dad: How do I delete people?
Mom: Your father is driving me crazy. When are you coming home?
Me: I’m out with friends so not till late. Sorry!
Mom: It’s OK. I put Ambien in his tea. He won’t be annoying me much longer.
Me: Can I borrow 50 bucks?
Mom: You don’t call to say hi, you didn’t call on my birthday. All you ever call for is money!
Me: 40 bucks?
Dad: Aren’t you supposed to be at school?
Me: Aren’t you supposed to be at work?
Dad: Touché …
Me: Happy 49th, Dad! I love you so much!
Dad: It’s 48! You ruined my day.
Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I’m lonely.
Me: Isn’t Dad there?
Mom: Yes, but I like you more.
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