Funny Texts From Parents Gone Bad

Parents master the art of the quick comeback.

from Reader's Digest | March 2012
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Brothers Stephen and Wayne Miltz, creators of the popular crazythingsparentstext.com, recently published a book of hundreds of private text messages between parents and children. A selection of our favorites: Mom: Love you, kiddo!

Me: Aw, thanks. Love you, too!

Mom: Sorry, wrong person

Me: Dad, my bank account has ten dollars in it!

Dad: Oh good, our plan to get you to contact us succeeded

Me: I was offered a job!

Dad: Accept it before they realize their mistake.

Dad: What is IDK?

Me: I don’t know.

Dad: Oh, do you know who does?

Dad: I just changed my password to “incorrect” so the computer just tells me when I forget.

Me: Lets eat dad

Dad: “Let’s eat Dad” or “Let’s eat, Dad.” Punctuation saves lives.

Me: I love you

Mom: I tolerate you

Mom: I think I keep getting messages or missed calls or something.

Me: From who?

Mom: Some woman called…Betty Low?

Me: Um, battery low?

Mom: Yeah, that’s it!

Me: What time are you picking me up?

Dad: Who is this?

Me: Your son.

Dad: How did you get this number?

Me: I programmed your phone, remember?

Dad: How do I delete people?

Mom: Your father is driving me crazy. When are you coming home?

Me: I’m out with friends so not till late. Sorry!

Mom: It’s OK. I put Ambien in his tea. He won’t be annoying me much longer.

Me: Can I borrow 50 bucks?

Mom: You don’t call to say hi, you didn’t call on my birthday. All you ever call for is money!

Me: 40 bucks?

Mom: OK.

Me: Hey!

Dad: Aren’t you supposed to be at school?

Me: Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

Dad: Touché …

Me: Happy 49th, Dad! I love you so much!

Dad: It’s 48! You ruined my day.

Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I’m lonely.

Me: Isn’t Dad there?

Mom: Yes, but I like you more.

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