Funny Texts From Parents Gone Bad

Parents master the art of the quick comeback.

from Reader's Digest | March 2012
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    Brothers Stephen and Wayne Miltz, creators of the popular crazythingsparentstext.com, recently published a book of hundreds of private text messages between parents and children. A selection of our favorites: Mom: Love you, kiddo!

    Me: Aw, thanks. Love you, too!

    Mom: Sorry, wrong person

    Me: Dad, my bank account has ten dollars in it!

    Dad: Oh good, our plan to get you to contact us succeeded

    Me: I was offered a job!

    Dad: Accept it before they realize their mistake.

    Dad: What is IDK?

    Me: I don’t know.

    Dad: Oh, do you know who does?

    Dad: I just changed my password to “incorrect” so the computer just tells me when I forget.

    Me: Lets eat dad

    Dad: “Let’s eat Dad” or “Let’s eat, Dad.” Punctuation saves lives.

    Me: I love you

    Mom: I tolerate you

    Mom: I think I keep getting messages or missed calls or something.

    Me: From who?

    Mom: Some woman called…Betty Low?

    Me: Um, battery low?

    Mom: Yeah, that’s it!

    Me: What time are you picking me up?

    Dad: Who is this?

    Me: Your son.

    Dad: How did you get this number?

    Me: I programmed your phone, remember?

    Dad: How do I delete people?

    Mom: Your father is driving me crazy. When are you coming home?

    Me: I’m out with friends so not till late. Sorry!

    Mom: It’s OK. I put Ambien in his tea. He won’t be annoying me much longer.

    Me: Can I borrow 50 bucks?

    Mom: You don’t call to say hi, you didn’t call on my birthday. All you ever call for is money!

    Me: 40 bucks?

    Mom: OK.

    Me: Hey!

    Dad: Aren’t you supposed to be at school?

    Me: Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

    Dad: Touché …

    Me: Happy 49th, Dad! I love you so much!

    Dad: It’s 48! You ruined my day.

    Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I’m lonely.

    Me: Isn’t Dad there?

    Mom: Yes, but I like you more.

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