Heard on the links
UK researchers found this to be the funniest joke in the world:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies, “Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
From the Top 10 Jokes in America:
"Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, "Food bad." Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard." It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, "I quit." "I’m not surprised," the head monk says. "You’ve been complaining ever since you got here."
GQ's Funniest Jokes as Voted by Comedians:
"A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, ‘What was that all about?"
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A shot in the dark
Top 10 Jokes in America:
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. 'I think my friend is dead!' he yells. 'What can I do?' The operator says, 'Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.' There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, 'Okay, now what?'"