Please Fire Me!

Hilarious vents from anonymous clock punchers forced to put up with various forms of crazy nine-to-five.

from Reader's Digest | October 2011
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    Please Fire Me, by Jill Morris and Adam Chromy (Citadel Press, $14.95), collects dozens of hilarious vents from anonymous clock punchers forced to put up with various forms of crazy nine-to-five. Here are a few of our favorites:

    “Please fire me...

    Last week a coworker asked me, ‘What day is Black History Month?’”

    “Please fire me...

    Our HR girl overheard me describing the plot of The Road to a coworker, you know, the book about survivors of nuclear Armageddon who are being chased across a deserted America by anarchist cannibals. She asked, ‘Was that based on a true story?’”

    “Please fire me...

    I just caught my old boss copying down my goals from last year’s review and noting them as his own for this year.”

    “Please fire me...

    My team leader took a digital picture of everyone’s face and pasted it to an animal cutout. Now each employee is a different animal on the ‘productivity’ board. Whoever does the most work each week gets one step closer to the piece of meat that person’s animal likes to eat, which is glued to the other end of the poster. I’m the bison.” Your turn! Share your “Please fire me” rants with us in the comments box below, and catch more anonymous workplace fun at


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    Your Comments

    • Lmbrady49

      Got one for you:  About 15 years ago a co-worker wanted to have several photos duplicated for a mailing.  She told me how many copies she wanted of each photo and that she wanted them the next day which was doable.  I explained that if she gave the vendor x number of days they would be cheaper.  After some thought she asked, “How many days do I need to give them in order to get the copies for free.”

    • Neogalaccius

      my workplace seems like surviving a nuclear armageddon :P

    • buffie

      HAHAHAHA! These are laughs!!! I love The Road and the Bison one!! HAHAHAHA