The Happy Relationship: 8 Tips to Avoid Marriage Counseling

Experts say for a happy relationship, it’s important to heighten and reinforce your sense of oneness, then guard and protect it.

By Sarì Harrar and Rita DeMaria Ph.D from The 7 Stages of Marriage
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    Make your relationship a priority.

    The mental shift from me to we can be startling: You’re a team—responsible to someone else in a new and profound way. Claudia Arp, who with her husband, David, founded Marriage Alive International and co-authored marriage books including 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage, comments, “We see a lot of husbands and wives who never, ever reprioritize their relationship after marriage. They’re still entwined with their family of origin, putting their parents and siblings first. Or they’ve been on their own for years and don’t realize that their friends or job or other interests no longer take precedence. You need to be able to say ‘My spouse comes first.’ This is your anchor relationship. If you establish this now, it will be easier to hold on to when life becomes more complicated later in your marriage.”

    Marriage and sex therapist, Pat Love, Ed.D., says, “In our culture, we don’t do ‘we’ very well. We’re better at autonomy: I can take care of myself, I can give to you. But being a real unit means taking another step: making the relationship itself a priority. Other cultures do this much better—the Japanese have a concept called amae, which loosely translated means the delicious experience of interdependence. It’s a goal worth striving for.”

    Create couples rituals.

    Establishing a healthy boundary around your union isn’t always easy: When University of California, Los Angeles, researchers interviewed 172 newlywed couples, problems with in-laws and other relatives ranked with communication, money management, and moodiness as top challenges. Do something regularly that bonds you, such as 10 minutes to chat before bed, always having morning coffee together, listening to music, or saving Saturday for date night. Give yourself permission to cocoon.

    Check in daily.

    Marriage experts recommend couples do something that big business has employed for decades to keep workers happy, productive, and in the loop: hold regular team meetings. Luckily, yours will be more fun than listening to Bob from accounting go over the last month’s sales numbers. One version of the daily check-in helps couples keep communication flowing freely with an agenda.

    • Start by appreciating something about each other.
    • Offer up some new information from your day.
    • Ask your spouse about something that has bothered or puzzled you (or something about yourself).
    • Make a nonjudgmental, complaint-free request (“Please fold the towels when you do the laundry. I couldn’t find any this morning after my shower.”).
    • And end with a hope that could be small (“I hope we can go see that new movie Friday night”) or lavish (“I’d love to retire at age 50 and sail the Mediterranean with you.”).

    Ask: Is it good for our relationship?

    When you bump up against any important decision in your marriage, don’t just talk about whether it’s good for you and for your spouse. Make it a point to talk about and think about whether it’s good for your marriage. “You’ll know the answer almost intuitively if you stop and ponder it,” Dr. Love notes. This may come down to how much time something will take away from your time together, whether it will make things stressful between you, or if it involves people who in some way threaten your relationship (lunch with your ex, for example). If you don’t even want to ask the question, that’s a red flag that whatever it is—from working late to “surprising” your spouse with an expensive new living room sofa to making individual plans on your usual date night—isn’t going to be good for your marriage.

    Create a code word for love.

    Remember the elementary school joke about “olive juice” — say this silly phrase, and your mouth automatically makes the same movements as when you say “I love you.” Find a secret way to express your love that only the two of you understand. It comes in handy if your spouse calls when the boss is standing beside your desk, and creates that “just us” feeling anytime you use it.

    Build healthy boundaries.

    Marriages need what experts call a semi-permeable boundary that allows friends and family to connect with you but that doesn’t interfere with your own desires and plans. This can be especially complicated when it comes to your families of origin.

    The biggest challenge is often deciding how you’ll handle the holidays. Will it be his family’s house, yours, or will you start a new tradition in your own home? How often will you talk on the phone or visit—and how much will you share about the details of your marriage? “Parents can work with or against a new couple,” Claudia Arp says. “They need to be getting on with their own marriage, going from being child-focused to partner-focused. Your marriage can be a transition time for them as well. Don’t cut them off—you really need that love and support. Do communicate your decisions about your needs in a kind, calm way.”

    Cheer each other on.

    “One of the most important things to me is that my wife, Rebecca, is for me and I’m for her,” says Lee Potts, a retired computer programmer from St. Louis, Missouri. “It sounds simplistic, but it’s really important. I’ve been married twice before, and I don’t think we had each other’s best interests at heart like this. We had our own agendas.”

    Arp suggests that encouraging your partner is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship. “If we don’t, who will? Our bosses and co-workers? Don’t count on it! Our children and teenagers? Ridiculous!” she says. “Our mates need our encouragement.” Three strategies she and her husband recommend in their workshops: Look for the positive in your new spouse; develop a sense of humor; and give honest, specific praise—describe what you appreciate about your spouse.

    Schedule time for your marriage first.

    Don’t relegate your relationship to scraps of leftover time. “In mapping out your schedule for the next several weeks, why not start with writing in date times for you and your mate?” suggest Claudia and David Arp. “Then add discretionary things like golf, shopping, and community volunteer activities.” No time? Wonder why? Do a calendar review. You’re overcommitted if friends, visits with your parents and extended family, hobbies, clocking overtime hours on the job, or volunteer and community commitments have crowded out the three kinds of time you need with your beloved: casual catching-up, scheduled dates, and intimate encounters. Same goes if your evenings are TV marathons or Internet extravaganzas. “Unless you’re willing to make your relationship a higher priority than other relationships and activities, you won’t have a growing marriage,” notes Claudia Arp.

    Disconnect from the 24/7 office.

    Heavy use of cell phones and devices can mute your happiness and dial up stress in your home, University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee researchers found recently. The study tracked the technology use and moods of 1,367 women and men for two years. Those who sent and received the most calls and messages were also most likely to say that this “work spillover” left them tired and distracted at home. “Technology is really blurring the lines between home and work,” says lead researcher Noelle Chesley, an assistant professor of sociology at the university. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It may give you more flexibility. But your boss doesn’t tend to call you with the good news—you don’t hear that you’ve done a great job on the project; you do hear that suddenly there’s a deadline crisis.” Setting limits could lift on-call stress: Check e-mail once in the evening. If a call’s not urgent, muster the courage to say, “I’ll look into it first thing in the morning.” And simply turn off your cell phone or laptop at a certain time in the evening.

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    • Dumez Gracy

      Hello every one i am a German citizen but with my family here i Canada, i had some problems in my marriage because thought i keep some secrets from him before we get married and i was unable to get pregnant because my husband hate it to sex with me that again develop to my filter problem but before we get married he so much love me and i love him as much so i decide to search for a solution on marriage site and from friends and i find so many spiritual doctors then i contacted three of them one after the other but they all disappointed me till my family seeks for divorce and he happily divorce me because he already find another lady. so while i was alone with pains i still look for solution every where till a meet with a friend of mine that just came from Germany then she direct me to this site where i read about great oshogumspelltemple@live.com on how he solve marriage, relationships, family , healing and so many testimony about him then me and my friend decide to contact despite i he told me about the materials that i must provide i just have to do all that he told me because of what other persons said about him. three days after we have done all he ask me to do, he said he have done everything i did not know how it will work because i could even contact my husband again he already block but i was so sup-rice Hashberg call our home line to ask of me. well we are happily married now with one kids but expecting another one soon. My dear contact oshogumspelltemple@live.com if you have any problem that give you pain. contact oshogumspelltemple@live.com today he is helpful and excellent

    • Leo Jennifer

      My name is Jennifer and i want to testify of the good work done by a faithful DR PALOMA, a spell caster. in my life i never thought there is such thing as spiritual intercession. my problem started 5 months back when the father of my kids started putting up some strange behavior, i never knew he was having an affair outside our matrimonial home. it dawn on me on that faithful day 4th of April 21st 4:23pm when he came to the house to pick his things that was when i knew that situation has gotten out of hand and he then told me he was quitting the marriage which i have built for over 6 years, i was confused and dumbfounded i called on family and friends but to no avail. two months after i started having problem with my kids welfare rent-age and all of it, i really went through ***. until a day i was browsing on the internet and i happen to meet DR PALOMA Email palomaspelltemple@yahoo.com i never believed on this but i needed my man back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it but you know a problem shared is half solved after a 2das my husband called me telling me that he his coming back home and that was all. now we are living happily and i still do contact him on this email: palomaspelltemple@yahoo.com.

    • Rose Marylove

      I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in may this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR ABIZA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down all because our relationship has been on for four years. I really loved him, but his family was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 8 days when i returned to UK, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and that he also got a new job interview. I didn’t believe it because the spell caster only asked for my name and my boy friends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is {DRABIZASPELLTEMPLE20@HOTMAIL.COM} you can also contact him for help.

      Vera Williams.

    • Shakes Spear

      Hello To The World At Large,

      I am Miss Wacks.,From united states of America.I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS SHAKES SPEAR ORACLE TEMPLE.My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is : shakesspear23@yahoo.com OR shakesspear23@gmail.com ,This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost ok.CONTACT SHAKES SPEAR TODAY:: shakesspear23@yahoo.com OR shakesspear23@gmail.com.Thanks

      Regards,

      Miss Wacks.

    • Shakes Spear

      Need a spell caster?then think of Shakes Spear he is real reliable and he does what he promise you.I know all this because he helped with my marriage problem.For security reason i will not live my name here but i can tell you all he did to help me.Me and my family live in the US military base here in America,my wife is a solider and i love it that she is and i support.But being a solider means she is half my wife and fully the U.S army.before her three tour we were so in love and we had a kid son who we both love him.It all changed after her two tour in Iraq and Afghanistan,i noticed the distance her second tour she stopped call at first i thought maybe she was part of an accident but i found out that she was OK in Afghanistan.She explained that she always on patrol.It got ugly on the third. I guess in the last two tours she found herself a new lover and then totally forgetting me and our boy.I can not say i did not notice because she always has to be some where instead of with me,coming up with some silly excuse not to be with me that is ( have sex ) and her entire behavior told me all i needed to know. i did my research and i had a hint that it was her squad lieutenant.I had know evidence so a could not take the matter to any body.It killed me to seeing this happen i was going suicidal.What hurt me the most was she going home knowing that i suspect she infidelity,she kept lying to me over and over again.The power of positive thinking helped me a lot.I thought that maybe i can find in the help on the internet with the people who had being in the same problem with him.I found a lot of ways but nor worked except Shakes Spear spell.At that time five month ago i was so confused that i could do anything to get my wife back so i contacted Shakes Spear with his email address i saw in some comment on the internet at shakesspear23@yahoo.com.I laid down my problem to him and told him the entire story and he even confirmed my hint was right, how he did i do not know but he was right because my wife told me later after the spell was made effective. Shakes Spear cast a spell on them both do not know what he did but it seem he made them both forget they ever crossed path romantically speaking like they never know each other expect there official relationship that is squad leader and solider.I owe my life to John Yi Yi what he did saved my marriage.I can tell you this because i have tried and it worked for me.Your case also have a solution with SHAKES SPEAR contact him with his email shakesspear23@yahoo.com OR shakesspear23@gmail.com

    • stacey Bruno

      I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Dr ATILA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is atilahealinghome@yahoo.com

    • benita moyes

      BEWARE! THESE PEOPLE ARE BIG SCAMS BUT MALAIKA IS REAL

      Dr Malaika
      doesn’t ask for testimonies and he doesn’t charge. He is genuine and people get
      to meet him by luck. But right now am your luck if you meet him. Every other
      testimonies of spell casters you read here are scams. Dr Malaika lives in
      Nigeria and I happened to meet him by chance after a friend told me about how
      he brought back her ex and restored her lost womb. She also told me about how
      Dr Malaika cures all forms of illness ranging from HIV to Cancer, Fibroid, and
      Infertility and also Money spells. I followed those other internet testimonies
      and was hugely scammed to the extent that I wanted to kill myself. Dr Malaika
      turned my situation around, He made my ex come crawling on his knees to have
      him back. All I spent was $250 used in purchasing the materials used for the
      spell. His email address is odogwumalaika@gmail.com mobile: +2348097302201 but
      please don’t make him know that I published him on net. He is just wonderful
      and I wish whoever that finds him good luck. Don’t forget his email address is
      odogwumalaika@gmail.com

      Yours truly

      Benita Moyes

    • tori amri

      Feeling so happy these morning , knowing my husband is on my bed with me . Thank you prophet Salifu for you special prayer and thank you matha for giving me so much faith to believe in his work . If you need help in you relationship or marriage please do contact prophet Salifu on prophetsalifu@gmail.com or prophetsalifu@yahoo.com

    • Alex Fyne

      This is a testimony that I will tell to every one to hear. I have been married four 4 years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another man had a spell to take my lover away from me and my wife left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until I met a post where this man DOCTOR UDO have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me I just send my picture to him and that of my wife and after 48 hours as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my wife and she have come to me and the kids and that is why I am happy to make every one of you in similar to meet with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: udospiritualspelltemple@hotmail.com

    • Marian Gregory

      My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. OKORO LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. OKORO you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr. OKORO. You can also contact Dr. OKORO via email address: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

      Dr. OKORO NUMBER: +2348053209149
      Contact Dr. OKORO Via email: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com